DISCLAIMER: TINY TOON ADVENTURES, characters, names and all related indicia are trademarks of Warner Bros., a Time Warner Entertainment Company (C)2004. In other words, I do not own them. If I did, I'd be even more spoiled than Montana Max, and I don't want that. * * * *************** EPISODE 5 RECAP *************** WAITOHOORU(VO): Hi, this is Waitohooru again, telling you that winners don't do drugs! Oh, and I have to recap Episode 5 for you. BABS: Oh great, now I'm all wet... WAITOHOORU(VO): The ten remaining contestants took the plunge into a lot of water, whether it was in a small swimming pool... FIFI: Help! Save moi! HAMTON: Fifi's in trouble! SHIRLEY: Like, I'll save her! WAITOHOORU(VO): Or into the greater waters of the lakes and oceans... ELMYRA: Monty! You came to rescue me! MONTY: Yeah, don't make a big deal of it, okay? WAITOHOORU(VO): In addition, they roughed it in the great outdoors on the island of Festeroon, famous only to those who watched the "Toon Marooned" series online. BUSTER[to Monty]: Toon Marooned, huh? Wow, this means I can finally vote you off! BABS: Aw, *I* was gonna do that... BUSTER: Don't worry, you can do it too, Babs. MONTY: What?! WAITOHOORU(VO): And while some of the contestants wanted them to be the next executed... MARY: I hate to say it, but I'm worried that either Buster or Babs might actually win this game. BUGS: Well, since Buster's gonna get an exemption anyway, make it oh-fishy-al! BUSTER[sarcastically]: Gee, I wonder what could be in there... does my chest contain any money? WAITOHOORU(VO): ...both Buster... BUSTER: No it doesn't, because five Toons have already found all the money already! BUGS: As a result, da pot remains as it is. Da only one of ya who oined somet'ing from dis challenge is Babs here, who now has an exemption. PLUCKY: What? *SHE* gets one too? I stayed at the hotel for the night, so I should get one as well! WAITOHOORU(VO): ...AND Babs have received exemptions. PLUCKY(CC): I'd be lying if I told you I wasn't feeling vulnerable at this point. WAITOHOORU(VO): Forcing Plucky to take matters into his own hands... PLUCKY: Anyway, I think one of them is the Mole, so why don't you go over to that side of the wall over there and listen in on their conversation. HAMTON: But Plucky, that's sneaky! WAITOHOORU(VO): Only to have it backfire on him. GOGO: Well, we're a coalition of five, and we need six to have a majority. SWEETIE: Yeah, you do the math! PLUCKY: That's not fair! You can't bogart my coalition partner! WAITOHOORU(VO): Which meant that for the next execution, Plucky was a sitting duck, so to speak. PLUCKY: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! BUGS: Plucky, you are da Mole's fifth victim. You must leave da game immediately. PLUCKY: I kept telling you I wasn't the Mole... why didn't you believe me? WAITOHOORU(VO): Nine contestants are still present, and the halfway point of the game is drawing nearer. Who won't make it? ********************************************** 36 DAYS, 70 CHALLENGES, 13 CONTESTANTS, 1 MOLE Remaining Contestants: BABS BUNNY BUSTER BUNNY FOWLMOUTH GOGO DODO HAMTON J. PIG MARY MELODY MONTANA MAX SHIRLEY THE LOON SWEETIE BIRD ***DON'T FORGET TO LOOK FOR THE HIDDEN CLUE TO THE MOLE'S IDENTITY!*** ****************************** EPISODE 6 - ATTACK SITE TROPHY ****************************** [Shot of a network executive's office, in a studio of a certain network, which, for purposes of this fanfic, shall remain nameless. The network executive, who is wearing black mouse ears, sees the phone on his desk ring, and picks it up (the phone, not the desk).] NETWORK EXECUTIVE: Hello? PHONE VOICE: Hello, this is Stone Stanley Productions, and we have just found another contestant for your upcoming Celebrity Mole Yucatan! NETWORK EXECUTIVE: You could have fooled me, uh... Plucky Duck. [Cut to Plucky Duck's room in the Execution House. As you can see, Plucky himself made the call to the studio.] PLUCKY[muttering]: I hate Caller ID. NETWORK EXECUTIVE[voice]: I'm sorry, but we just finished the casting and filming for Celebrity Mole Yucatan, and that's the last season of The Mole that we intend to film, okay? PLUCKY: You call those celebrities? None of them are anywhere near the same level as Tom Cruise or Sandra Bullock... [under his breath] orevenme... [back to normal] not to mention the fact that you already used two of them last season! Can't you come up with two original celebrities instead, that you HAVEN'T used before, like say... ME for instance? Hmm? NETWORK EXECUTIVE: You? A celebrity? Don't make me laugh! PLUCKY: On the contrary, I provide plenty of chuckles, my amigo! And besides, I'm sure a lot of young people would recognize me, rather than... [looks at a list of names from a piece of paper] ...Ananda Lewis! NETWORK EXECUTIVE: We've made up our minds. If you have any further questions, we will forward them to an abandoned phone booth in the desert. Thank you. PLUCKY: Which desert? You've gotta be more specific! [The network executive hangs up on him.] PLUCKY[angrily]: Hello? Are you there?! [Cut to outside the Execution house, where two teenagers are talking.] TEENAGE GIRL: So, like, there's gonna be a new Celebrity Mole sometime next year, right? TEENAGE BOY: Yeah, and Ananda Lewis gonna be on it! TEENAGE GIRL: Get outta here! She is? TEENAGE BOY: No doubt! That babe is so hot! [At that moment, a window opens, and Plucky Duck sticks his head outside.] PLUCKY: Oh, will you two just shut up! [Plucky sticks his head back inside, and closes the window.] * * * [Shot of Bugs Bunny outside the mansion.] BUGS: Of da ten contestants present at da last execution, Plucky Duck, da one just about everyone t'ought was da Mole in da beginning, was the victim. Could he have been da Mole? Poihaps, but it would be too obvious. As da nine remaining contestants found out too late, Plucky was not da Mole... Plucky was Plucky. [Shot of Buster in front of a black background.] BUSTER: I see our Mole wants to play hardball. Well, I've got news for whoever the Mole is --- hardball is not one of the challenges in this game! Hopefully the Mole will understand that. [Shot of Fowlmouth in front of the black background.] FOWLMOUTH: I guess it's time to kick butt and chew bubble gum. Unfoitunately, I'm all out of bubble gum, so then it must be time to kick some dadgum butt! [Shot of Mary in front of the black background.] MARY: I've done both Buster and Babs a favor by getting rid of Plucky for them... but they can't stay in this game forever. They have to go next... [evil laughter] Oh dear, am I turning into Sweetie? [Shot of Gogo in front of the black background.] GOGO: Hey, it could have been me going tonight, but it wasn't. You can't execute THIS dodo easily... mark my words... [Shot of Shirley in front of the black background.] SHIRLEY: Like, I signed up for this game because I believed we were all going to get along without all this backstabbing and hatred. So much for THAT belief! [Shot of Monty in front of the black background.] MONTY: I think I know who the Mole is right now... [to the camera] What? You think I'm going to tell you who it is? You thought wrong, peasant! [Shot of Hamton in front of the black background.] HAMTON: I was nothing more than Plucky's precious puppet throughout this game... but now that he's gone... should I feel happy or sad? [Shot of Babs in front of the black background.] BABS: Alas, poor Plucky, I knew him well. ...Too much, in fact. He was in your face 24/7, and couldn't give any of us a break. Now that he's gone, maybe we can add some money to the pot this time... [Shot of Sweetie in front of the black background.] SWEETIE[smiling]: Five down... eight to go. * * * DAY 16 [Yet another beautiful morning in this seemingly never-ending game. However, it is not quite as beautiful for two certain rabbits. Buster and Babs, the couple which some of the contestants want to get rid of, feel very worried, and very vulnerable. The two gaze at the morning scenery on the outside balcony, all while contemplating their fate.] BUSTER: You know what, Babs? BABS: What? BUSTER: Ever since you and I got those exemptions quite a while ago, some of the other contestants refuse to talk to us, or even form a coalition with us. BABS: They say that we stepped on their toes. What? I know I have big feet and all, but I have never actually stepped on anyone's toes! BUSTER: As a matter of fact, the only ones who are still on our side are my roommate Shirley... BABS: ...and my roommate Hamton. [Buster and Babs get an idea.] BUSTER, BABS[in unison]: Say, why don't we ask them to join our coalition once again? ...Hey! *I* was gonna say that! BABS: Yeah, but they're probably still in Sweetie's coalition... or is it Mary's coalition? I forget who their ringleader is... BUSTER: They'd probably want to get us executed next, ever since last time. BABS: However, if they still have a grudge against Monty... BUSTER: And who wouldn't? [Babs and Buster laugh.] BABS: ...then we can jump over to THEIR coalition and try to get HIM executed instead? BUSTER: Why not? We rabbits are good at jumping! [The two come back inside the mansion from the balcony.] BUSTER[to himself]: So long, Montana! See ya in Santa Ana! MONTY(OS): So, you're still trying to get rid of me, are ya? [Babs and Buster turn white, when they see that Monty has stepped in front of them in the second floor hall.] BABS: Uh... hi! Nice day, isn't it? MONTY: It sure is, because, two days from now, one of you will finally be out of my life forever! BUSTER: Sorry, not happening. BABS: Yeah, didn't you get the script that was handed to all of us this morning? It says in the script that YOU'RE the sixth one executed, Monty! MONTY: Of course I didn't... and you know why? Because there WASN'T any script! It's a reality TV show, ya morons! BUSTER[lying]: Oh yeah, reality TV... uh, what is it again? MONTY: Spare me your lies. You're not going to stop me from winning the pot, and that's that! BABS: Monty, listen! [Monty ignores them and goes downstairs. But just as soon as he touches the final step...] BUSTER: Wait, we'll form a coalition with you! [...he stops, faces the two rabbits, and dashes back upstairs.] MONTY: I knew you'd come crawling back. BABS: Uh, we never really crawled *per se*, Monty. MONTY: Who cares? I just want my chance to get back at those losers! BUSTER: Well, isn't this a ka-winky-dink! So do we! MONTY: Well, tell me! Who's the next pigeon? BABS: Uh... Sweetie is! MONTY: Really? BUSTER: Yeah, she's the one calling all the shots! MONTY: Soon, she'll wish she'd have called in sick, because her time is up! BABS: Uh... sure it is! BABS(CC): For an eccentric boy billionaire, Monty'll believe just about anything you tell him. He's the one going next, you all know that, right? MONTY(CC): I may be rich, but I'm not an idiot. It's rabbit season for the next six days, and Buster and Babs are in my crosshairs. * * * [Meanwhile, in the downstairs hallway, Shirley hears some partying noises from the Orange Room. She knocks on the door.] GOGO(OS): Come iiiiiiin! [Shirley opens the door of the Orange Room, only to find that Gogo has placed a mirrored disco ball on the ceiling, along with several other assorted knick-knacks in the room, like a lava lamp, the "Enter the Yellow Room" sign from Episode 4 (I guess Gogo really DID use it as a poster after all), and for some reason, a scale model of Acme Looniversity (which appears to be floating, of course, I don't know why, but then again, Gogo is all alone in his room now, so he has his reasons...)] GOGO: I wanted this to feel like home. I've been away from Wackyland for so long, just so you know. SHIRLEY: Is that any way to celebrate the execution of your roommate? GOGO: How did you know I was... oh, that's right, you're a mind reader, and I'm not, so there. SHIRLEY: Anyway, I know how much fun you're having now, so I'm just going to let you enjoy your moment, 'kay? [Shirley sits on the floor in the center of the room, and meditates.] SHIRLEY[to herself]: Owha Taloo Niam... Owha Taloo Niam... GOGO: Wow, that is so cool! SHIRLEY: Why, yes, you may join me. I totally don't mind. I feel totally refreshed after Plucky's execution anyway. GOGO: Mind readers... they're a dying breed, just like the dodos, I say! [Gogo sits on the floor with Shirley and joins her. Unbeknownst to them, Fowlmouth watches them from the hallway.] SHIRLEY[to herself]: Owha Taloo Niam... Owha Taloo Niam... GOGO[to himself]: Mairzy Doats and Dozy Doats and Little Lamsey Divey... [Fowlmouth giggles.] SHIRLEY: Like, what is so funny? FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, you two are! GOGO: Oh, thank you very much. FOWLMOUTH: If ya think you're gonna figure out who the dadgum Mole is THAT way, you won't have much dadgum luck! SHIRLEY: Why, do YOU know who the Mole is? FOWLMOUTH: Not a dadgum clue! SHIRLEY: Then, like, totally feel free to join us, because, like, if you clear your mind of any distractions that prevent you from concentrating on who the Mole is, you can totally breeze through this game! FOWLMOUTH: Sorry, but no dadgum thanks, Shoil! I'm going to play on planet Oith for a while. GOGO: That's odd, because I thought that's where we're playing the game now! FOWLMOUTH: Not from what I'VE seen so far, it ain't! [Fowlmouth leaves the room, and continues laughing as he walks down the hallway.] SHIRLEY: Like, some Toons never appreciate the enlightenment that meditation brings. GOGO: I agree! SHIRLEY: Maybe THAT'S how Plucky was executed last time... you know, by not keeping his chakras aligned properly. GOGO: Funny you should mention Plucky, considering... SHIRLEY: Considering what? GOGO: You know, when you spent the night at the hotel with him... SHIRLEY: Well, you see... * * * ***FLASHBACK*** [The night of Day 14, when Plucky and Shirley spent the night at the Acme Resort Hotel. The two have just entered the Rarely Mentioned Cartoon Stars Suite.] PLUCKY: Well, this is our room... SHIRLEY: You know, I totally feel guilty about leaving our eight friends on that island... PLUCKY: Yeah, but at least we don't have to go through some dumb challenges we're probably not even good at! SHIRLEY: You mean, which YOU'RE probably not good at? PLUCKY: Who asked you? [Plucky unpacks his things, including a toothbrush to brush his teeth (which, if he were a real-life duck, would never even actually exist).] SHIRLEY: I can't believe this is the only vacant room in the hotel, and it totally has only one bed! PLUCKY: Yeah, but think about it... it's a double. [Plucky quickly gets into the bed. Shirley, however, hesitates before getting under the covers.] PLUCKY: It's okay, Shirley. I won't bite. SHIRLEY[muttering]: Like, I totally wish I had brought my whip... PLUCKY[in Austin Powers voice]: Oh, behave! SHIRLEY: My gawd, channeling fictional characters, are we? [Plucky says nothing, and just stares at Shirley with sad puppy dog eyes.] SHIRLEY[smiling]: Like, I could learn so much from you this way. PLUCKY[smirking]: And the best is yet to come... [Plucky turns off the light.] SHIRLEY: Ooh! [Plucky and Shirley pull the covers over themselves and begin drifting off to Dreamland...] BABS(OS): Hello? Is anyone there? [Ladies and gentlemen, our trip to Dreamland has been canceled. Thank you for boarding our flight.] SHIRLEY: Babs? [Shirley turns the light back on.] SHIRLEY: Like, whoa, what are you doing here? BABS: I'll tell you later. But first, I have to talk to a certain green duck! PLUCKY[still under the covers, in falsetto voice]: Uh, he's not here right now... he, uh, went to... uh, Antarctica! Please come back again! [Babs pulls the blanket away from Plucky's head.] PLUCKY: Oh, hi, Babs. Long time no see? BABS: Never mind that. Would you care to explain how you sabotaged my bed so I couldn't sleep in it last night? PLUCKY: Uh... but Babs, I never sabotaged your bed! [Babs pulls out her mallet and raises it above her head.] PLUCKY[points at Shirley]: Yeah, Shirley built the beds, AND the entire hut all by herself! I just made a sand sculpture of myself, so if you want to blame someone, blame HER! SHIRLEY[under her breath]: Oh, NOW you tell the truth... *WHAM!* PLUCKY[reeling]: I said blame HER, Babs! [Cut to a shot outside the hotel room.] BABS(OS): Shirley, will you do the honors? SHIRLEY(OS): Like, I'd be glad to! PLUCKY(OS): Oh no... not that... anything but that! [Extremely loud sounds are heard from behind the door... particularly the sounds of a duck being squished into smithereens.] PLUCKY(OS)[shouting]: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLP!!!! [Manny Edwards is seen walking down the hallway.] MANNY: Ah, to be young again, and in love. [Manny walks past the hotel door and out of sight.] PLUCKY(OS): Someone... anyone... HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! ***END FLASHBACK*** * * * [Cut back to the Orange Room, with Gogo and Shirley.] SHIRLEY: And, like, that's what happened. GOGO: And... what happened next morning? SHIRLEY: Well, Babs and I sort of felt sorry for Plucky, so we decided to give him a surprise for breakfast before we rejoined you on the island. * * * [Flashback to the morning of Day 15. Babs and Shirley are in the hotel room's kitchen.] SHIRLEY: Like, are you sure he'll like this? [Shot of Babs pulling some carrots out of her bag.] BABS: He'd better. My mom said it's got enough beta carotene to make even a blind man see. She may have been exaggerating, but you know mom! SHIRLEY: Yeah, I do now. [Babs searches the cupboard, finds a blender, and places it on the kitchen counter.] GOGO(VO): Wait... what did you say just now? BABS: If the carrot smoothie I make for him doesn't perk him up, nothing will! SHIRLEY: Ooh, make one for me too, 'kay? [Babs puts the carrots into the blender, and puts the top on it. She presses a button on the blender, and the machine turns the carrots into a frothy orange liquid.] * * * [Back at the Orange Room, Gogo is drooling.] SHIRLEY: Gogo, what's wrong? [Gogo breaks down in tears.] GOGO: Why, oh WHY couldn't *I* have gone to the Acme Resort Hotel instead of Babs? [Gogo continues crying.] SHIRLEY[shrugging]: Like, I guess I just won't be able to understand dodos... * * * [Cut to the outside hallway. Hamton has just exited the Green Room, and he notices the door in the Blue Room, which had been locked for a while, is partially open.] HAMTON: I could've sworn that was locked before... [Hamton knocks on the door of the Violet Room. Mary opens the door.] MARY: Hamton, what is it? HAMTON: You won't believe this, but the door of the Blue Room is open. [Sweetie flies out of the Violet Room, rubbing her eyes.] SWEETIE: Aw, can't it wait until later? I want to go back to sleep! MARY: I think it might be important, so we'd better tell the others. SWEETIE[to Mary]: Oh sure, take HIS side... [Fast motion sequence of Hamton and Mary telling the other contestants about the Blue Room.] * * * [Cut to the inside of the Blue Room. The nine contestants enter the room, and see that like the Yellow Room, it has been converted to a shrine honoring two more fallen contestants.] BUSTER: Well, whaddya know... [The contestants read the gold plaques under the newly-added portraits of Dizzy Devil and Plucky Duck.] MARY[reading Dizzy's plaque]: "Dizzy Devil - Whirling dervish? Yes. Walking garbage disposal? Yes. Extreme partier? Yes. But super sleuth? No. When will he ever learn that if you spin around too much, you eventually lose your balance?" HAMTON[reading Plucky's plaque]: "Plucky Duck - If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and wastes everyone else's time UNLIKE a duck... then it's my next victim. He spent too much time focusing on himself than searching for me." BABS[angry]: That's it... I REALLY want to strangle the Mole right now... even if what he said about Dizzy and Plucky IS true... GOGO: Hey, there's something else! [Gogo picks up a piece of paper on the floor and shows it to everyone. By which I mean the piece of paper, not the floor.] BUSTER[reading]: "Hey, Acme Loo-sers! We've taken the host of your pathetic reality series. If you want to see him in one piece, go to Perfecto Prep, the 'lesser of two evils' mentioned in the offical Perfecto Prep brochure! Oh, and while you call it a haven of darkness now, you'll be able to see the light once you step inside our doors! Sincerely, the Perfecto Preppies. P.S. Have a marvelous time... or not! Mwa ha ha!" FOWLMOUTH: Ah, so THAT'S why he didn't come over to tell us of our next dadgum challenge! BABS[angrier]: Ooh, now I want to strangle Perfecto Prep even more! ...No wait, the building is much too big for me to strangle. In that case, I'll just strangle the people inside it! BUSTER: What did we ever do to them? ...Wait, don't answer that. SWEETIE: Aw, and we were having such a good time playing this game, and now we have to go to Perfecto! MARY: Wait a minute... what if Perfecto Prep IS the next part of the game? GOGO: Could be. MONTY: It better be! Maybe Perfecto could teach me how to actually WIN these challenges! SWEETIE: Aw, what the heck! It's better than NOT winning by just wasting time in this mansion all day! FOWLMOUTH: Look out, Perfecto Prep, here we come! [All the contestants leave the Blue Room excitedly, except for Shirley and Hamton.] SHIRLEY: Like, I'm totally sensing something majorly heinous ahead. HAMTON: You're telling ME... * * * [Aerial shot of three vans driving toward Perfecto Prep.] [Interior shot of the blue van, driven by Tom Wallace. Fowlmouth, Sweetie, and Shirley are the three passengers in this van.] TOM: Ah, so you want to visit the lovely Perfecto Prep? Why, when I was a child, I used to study at this fine university... SHIRLEY: Uh, like, Perfecto is anything but lovely, and I can tell by the look on your face that you never actually went there. TOM: You're right. I avoided Perfecto like the plague! FOWLMOUTH: Gosh golly gee, I wonder how Shoil could have known Tom never went there... is it because... SHIRLEY: Gag me with a spoon, Fowlmouth! I'm not the Mole, okay? FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, my molestake. I mean, mistake! Dadgummit! Mole! You're the dadgum Mole, you dadgum Mole! SWEETIE: Wow, two Austin Powers references so far in this chapter. One more, and it's a hat trick! [So I bought the three Austin Powers movies at a flea market and watched all of them. Sue me.] TOM: Hey, we're the only ones in this van, so we're the only ones who get to talk in this van, whoever you are! [Well, excuuuuuuuse me!] SHIRLEY[to herself]: It's official... my life is totally weird. * * * [Interior shot of the black van, driven by Artie Elker. Its three passengers are Babs, Mary, and Buster.] BUSTER: Uggh. BABS: What's wrong? BUSTER: I'm not looking forward to going to Perfecto... I mean, what if they rip on Acme Looniversity? BABS: I've got news for you... They've always ripped on Acme Looniversity. But at least they don't do it as often as Artie did just now. ARTIE[muttering]: Hey, don't bring ME into this... BUSTER: Yeah, some loyalty! Your network is the only one that airs our show now, and you don't even advertise for it, or our Wacky Stackers game! ARTIE[under his breath]: And I'm never going to advertise for you ever again, you little --- BUSTER: I heard that! BABS: Well, at least it'll be better at Perfecto. BUSTER: Yeah, provided the Mole doesn't sabotage our visit. [to Mary] Isn't that right, Mary? MARY[innocently]: What? You think the Mole is little ol' me? I mean, it could be one of the other six instead... BABS: It's okay, you don't need to pull this act with us while we're in the van. MARY: Oh really? BABS: Yep. You can pull it with us when we get to Perfecto. MARY: Oh... okay! * * * [Interior shot of the white van, driven by Jane Black, the "Black Sheep" of the AA. She has to deal with Monty, Gogo, and Hamton.] JANE: Finally I get to appear in a fanfic again! My previous employer only wrote me in one fanfic, and that's it! Well, maybe this series will finally get me the job of my dreams! MONTY: Ha! You can think, but it ain't gonna happen, toots! [Jane cries.] HAMTON: Monty, that's not a very nice thing to say! GOGO: He's right. Now, "Roses are red, violets are blue," THAT's a nice thing to say. So is "Love is all around"! [Monty and Hamton turn to stare at Gogo, but Jane doesn't, since she has her eyes on the road.] GOGO: What? * * * [Overhead shot of all three vans arriving at the yang to Acme Looniversity's yin - or is that the yin to Acme Looniversity's yang? - anyway, it's Perfecto Prep, and no, it's not the school that Animole's Yolei Inoue attends...] [Interior shot of the white van.] GOGO[in tour guide voice]: And to your left is Perfecto Prep, known for its classes in blackmail, torture, extortion, deception, chicanery, and foul play, among other things. HAMTON: Which means I won't recommend THIS school to any of my friends! MONTY[smiling]: I wonder how much it costs... I want to buy it! JANE[to Monty]: Well, I know YOU can afford it... I don't get paid squat! MONTY: Tough, lady, you're not getting anything from me! HAMTON: Monty, I really don't like your attitude towards everyone! By the way, Jane, I wish I could help you out, but I don't have much on me. GOGO: And I don't have anything on me! Then again, I don't usually wear any clothes, so what I just said was completely unnecessary! [Jane stops the van outside Perfecto Prep.] JANE: Okay, here we are at Perfecto. You can get out now. [Monty, Hamton, and Gogo exit the van.] JANE[to herself]: "You should have never left your job at McDonald's," Mom said... "You should have gotten us the funding for your scholarship at Harvard," she said... even now her voice still haunts me... * * * [Interior shot of the blue van.] TOM: Okay, kids! This is Perfecto Prep! SWEETIE: Yeah, like the sign outside the building didn't tell us what it was? SHIRLEY[reeling]: Oh my gawd... TOM: Huh? SHIRLEY: I am totally sensing mass amounts of concentrated negative energy from that building... ewww! And they actually teach evil at this school? Brigham Young University this is totally not! FOWLMOUTH: Yeah, but at least THIS building actually allows us dadgum Toons in! [Tom stops the van outside Perfecto Prep.] TOM: We're here. You three can get out, and join your buddies. I'll stay right here. SHIRLEY: Aren't you coming with us, or some junk? TOM: No, I just don't feel like entering Perfecto Prep today. SWEETIE: Your loss! [Shirley, Fowlmouth, and Sweetie leave the van.] TOM[smirking]: But a week from now... that's a whole different story! * * * [Interior shot of the black van.] BUSTER[to Babs]: Rhubella! BABS[to Buster]: Roderick! BUSTER: No, Rhubella! BABS: Roderick! BUSTER: Rhubella! BABS: Roderick! MARY: Just what are you two doing? BABS: Oh, sorry, Mary. We were just arguing about which of the Perfecto students we should hit with a mallet first. BUSTER: A mallet? That's too good for them. Now, a cattle prod, on the other hand... [Artie stops the van outside of Perfecto Prep.] ARTIE: Here we are! You wanted to come here, right? MARY: Uh, actually we didn't want to come, we were forced here. ARTIE: Same difference! Go on, get outta here! [Mary, Buster and Babs leave the van.] ARTIE[to himself]: Perfecto Prep... now THAT would make a great Nicktoon series! I'd better pitch my idea to Manny right away! * * * [Shot of the nine contestants entering the foyer of Perfecto Prep. What secrets lurk within the cold, dark hallways of the compound? Who awaits with bated breath and gnashed teeth, with every desire to torture our heroes? ...Hey, I'm only asking these questions because Nick won't air The Acme Bowl for some reason, even though they have done so in the past, AND the series STILL isn't on DVD yet, so I'll have to check my old recordings from 1996... ... ...okay, finished checking.] HAMTON: Hello? Is anyone here? [Hamton turns on the light switch. The hallways of Perfecto, surprisingly enough, are clean and spotless... a contrast to the dark, spooky castle exterior traditionally associated with Perfecto.] MONTY: Whoa, this looks A LOT like my mansion! Forget my old mansion! After this game, I'll buy THIS school, and use it as a summer house or something! BUSTER: Yeah, I'm surprised too. Wasn't it supposed to be dark and spooky and have a fire pit where the students in brown robes chant pro-Perfecto and anti-Looniversity songs around it? * * * [Ah, but that's in the basement, my blue-eared friend! As a matter of fact, all of the Perfecto campus is there, around the ominous fire pit that has tiles with various Greek letters on it. Dangling over the fire pit is Bugs, all tied up in miles of cartoon rope.] PERFECTO STUDENTS[singing]: Oh, Perfecto Prep, the perfect school, where winning is our only rule, there is no team we cannot beat... [Right at this point, Mike Storch sticks his head through an open doorway.] MIKE: Hate to disturb your little ceremony, but you have guests. [One of the students, a rodent with dark fur, takes off his hood.] RODERICK[peeved]: They're here ALREADY? BUGS: Hooray! Maybe dey can save dis poor defenseless rabbit! RODERICK: Fat chance of THAT happening, my friend! [Roderick pulls a lever. The rope is raised through an opening in the ceiling, taking Bugs through it. The hatch closes, keeping our poor host up there for a while.] BUGS: Well, at least I don't hafta worry about being roast rabbit... but still... it's a bit cramped in here...! * * * [Meanwhile the nine contestants are still in the foyer, getting acquainted with the place... or in the instance of two of them, REacquainted...] SHIRLEY: Like, this place brings back a lot of memories... BABS: Yeah, all of them bad! BUSTER: What? You actually went in the building, Babs? BABS: I did, and so did Shirley and Fifi! SHIRLEY: We only did that because we were tired of seeing how immature the boys at the Looniversity act, and totally chose to take our chances at Perfecto. BABS: Want me to tell you more? BUSTER[reeling]: Babs, don't... SWEETIE: No, no... Babs, *DO*! BABS: You see, as much as you boys were chauvinistic... FOWLMOUTH: Aw, did you have to dadgum tell EVERYONE that? BABS: ...and greedy... MONTY: Hey! Just for that, I'm going to sue all four of you girls once this is over! BABS: ...and completely demented... GOGO: Is that any way to treat the last dodo on Earth? BABS: ...and in some cases, cowardly... HAMTON: Okay... now I REALLY feel insulted... BABS[smiling]: ...the men at Perfecto were worse! SHIRLEY: And that's why we never went there again! MARY: Wow! It must have been really bad there, huh? BABS: Yeah, particularly after the punch bowl fell on Shirley's head, causing her to go ballistic and set fire to everything... [Everyone but Shirley giggles.] BABS: The fire's heat turned on the overhead sprinklers, and we had to leave the place before we drowned! SHIRLEY[whispering]: Like, don't tell them that! BABS: Sorry, Shirley, I just can't help myself. RODERICK(OS): Having fun? [The nine Toons turn to see Roderick has just entered the room, and has overheard the conversation.] BABS[pointing a finger at Roderick]: You! What have you done with Bugs? RODERICK[arrogantly]: Oh, I simply called the exterminator, my long-eared friend. As you may NOT know, Perfecto Prep has been bug-free for at least fifteen years! BABS: No, I meant Bugs Bunny. RODERICK: Of course you did. [laughs evilly] [Shocked expressions on each of the nine contestants' faces.] BUSTER: Tell me where Bugs is right now! RODERICK: I will, in due time. But first, we have several surprises in store for you... SWEETIE: Who's "we"? You got someone in your pocket or what? RODERICK: Quiet! Now, I see you haven't been doing well in the challenges, have you? MARY: How did you know? RODERICK: News travels fast. [At this moment, Roderick's partner in crime, Rhubella, makes an appearance.] RHUBELLA: Roddy, do you have any more buckets of white paint? I couldn't find any left in the shed... RODERICK[angrily, whispering]: Rubykins, not now! BABS[suspiciously]: White paint, huh? Is this one of your pranks or what? [Roderick and Rhubella, to use an appropriate metaphor, are painted into a corner and can't get out. To add more fuel to the fire, the Toonsters consider rubbing more salt into their open wounds, and...] RODERICK: Enough of this! You caught us. FOWLMOUTH: Guess this is easier than we dadgum thought... RODERICK: Oh, and by the way, about all those challenges you did over the past two weeks? HAMTON: Wait, that's fifteen days, so technically, shouldn't it be two weeks and one day? RODERICK: Don't correct me! Anyway, those challenges were nothing compared to what you're about to experience over these next three days. And depending on your performance in these six beautiful gems, I may hand your precious teacher over... but then again, I may not. GOGO: Now there's a plot twist if ever I saw one! RHUBELLA: Of course, with the Mole still among you, you won't win any of the challenges. Then again, even without the Mole, you won't win them anyway! [While Rhubella and Roderick laugh, Babs fumes, her face turning an angry shade of red.] RODERICK: Well, enough talk. We simply must set up your last --- I mean, your first challenge. Toodles! [Roderick and Rhubella leave.] SWEETIE: Yeesh! Talk about overly-clichéd lines... * * * [Overhead shot of a huge football field, with Roderick and Rhubella standing on it. And yes, this is American football I'm referring to, not the football Chromus is used to (which is called 'soccer' in the States). There are also several cans of paint on the football field, and Rhubella has just opened one of them. She dips her paintbrush in, and starts finishing an unfinished line on the football field.] [Shot of the field, now finished despite the fact that Rhubella didn't have much to do.] RODERICK: That's it? Only one line? What the heck were all those excess paint cans for? RHUBELLA: You know, Roddy, the weatherman said there was going to be a fifty- percent chance of rain today. I'm worried that it might erase our hard work, so I had to buy a lot of them to save for a rainy day, literally in this case. I guess that's what happens when you have an open-air football field... RODERICK: Ruby, don't you know that it only rains when the author decides to write rain into the script? RHUBELLA: Hey, the least he did was write US into this story... so I figured we'd be prepared just in case. [Slow-motion shot of the nine contestants entering the football field.] RODERICK: Well, be prepared. ********************************* CHALLENGE 31: FIELD OF NIGHTMARES ********************************* [The two rats, Roderick and Rhubella, approach the group of nine.] RODERICK: So it has finally come to this... remember, fifteen years ago, when you humiliated us on this very field, making us lose for the first time? BUSTER: Yes, and now I can sleep better at night, thank you very much! [Buster and his teammates high-five each other.] RODERICK: You are not going to win again... and if, by some small chance you DO manage to win, $10,000 will be added to this pot of yours, not that you deserve a single penny of it... MONTY: Hey! RODERICK: Anyway, to win that money, you must simply score a touchdown. That's it. SWEETIE: That's it? What a relief! RODERICK: However, we'll be playing this game using the "Buster Busts Loose" rules for the Super NES game, although we didn't like the way we were depicted as villains in that particular game... BUSTER: Hey, it's not my fault Konami had some taste back then. [We see an animated SNES-style demo of this challenge, in which a sprite of Buster is facing sprites of the enemy football players. In case you don't remember, the football stage was the fourth level, right after the haunted house stage.] RODERICK(VO): You'll be sending your players one after another on the field. Each of you only has four chances, or "downs" if you will. [The sprite of Buster is tackled by an enemy football player.] RODERICK(VO): When one of our players tackles you, you'll move to the next down. [Three more times, the Buster sprite is tackled. But he has made at least ten yards before the fourth down, so he gets to switch with a Babs sprite in football gear.] RODERICK(VO): If you managed to make ten yards or further within your four downs, then you'll be replaced with the next player in sequence, who will begin where you finished your fourth down. [The Babs sprite impressively makes at least ten yards on her first down, before getting tackled. After three more downs, she switches and is replaced with a sprite of Plucky.] RODERICK(VO): Of course, you can make at least ten yards without getting tackled once, but that will never happen! [However, the Plucky sprite does not do quite as well, and only manages to make a maximum of nine yards after the fourth down.] RODERICK(VO): If you went less than ten yards after four downs, then the next player has to start from where you began your first turn, not from where you ended up! After all, this a very loooong football field, one hundred yards in fact! And you'll lose if your last member doesn't make it to the goal before then! Oh, and no flying or floating. That's cheating, and only WE are allowed to do that! [Cut back to reality, with Roderick and the nine contestants on the field.] RODERICK: And how do we decide the order, you ask? [Roderick pulls out nine football jerseys from jerseyspace. Each of them has a number on it from 6 to 14.] RODERICK: Go on, take one! And they're one-size-fits-all too! RHUBELLA: Would we lie to you? SWEETIE: Ask a stupid question... * * * [Fast-motion shot of the nine contestants taking jerseys, and then putting them on. Here is the jersey each contestant picked, by the way: 6 - FOWLMOUTH 7 - MONTY 8 - GOGO 9 - SHIRLEY 10 - SWEETIE 11 - BUSTER 12 - MARY 13 - BABS 14 - HAMTON] RODERICK: Now, let's introduce you to your nine opponents! FOWLMOUTH[rubbing his hands]: Bring 'em on! I can't wait to show 'em who's the dadgum boss around here! [Suddenly, the ground they're standing on shakes.] MARY: An earthquake? HAMTON: I don't like the sound of that... RODERICK: As you know, we have won many games by using the bulkiest, brawniest cartoon football players in existence! SWEETIE[sarcastically]: Gee, I never would have guessed that... [A group of Perfecto's strongest football players storm onto the field.] RODERICK: Unfortunately for us, only four of them are able to make it today. Sorry! BABS: Good thing, too! Any more, and I doubt any of us would come out in one piece! RODERICK: Your other five opponents will be here soon enough. RHUBELLA: And you'll be in for a surprise! BUSTER: Let me guess, they'll be from some Third-World European country, and are O.D.'d on steroids and other illegal enhancement drugs, and have been home-schooled their entire lives? RODERICK: Wrong answer! [Roderick pulls a lever, and a portcullis gate raises, revealing the other five opponents, who are...] BUSTER: Oh no, not that! Anything but that! ??????: Ooh, I get to play with you cute fuzzies yet again! ??????: Silence, girl. After this game they'll probably regret getting me executed yesterday! ???????: Gawsh, you're shore bein' might vindictive, yup yup. ????: Oui, but tout de nous are tres vindicatif, non? ?????: You say it! Me so mad, me want revenge! [...from left to right, Elmyra Duff, Concord Condor, Fifi la Fume, Dizzy Devil, and Plucky Duck --- the first five victims of the Mole.] BUSTER(CC): When Roddy opened the gate, the five former contestants who were executed came out onto the field. Excuse me, is that right? I thought the Mole got rid of them already! PLUCKY: I'm baaaaaaaaaack! BUSTER[muttering]: This is like a bad dream... [Plucky quietly approaches Buster, with narrowed eyes and no smile on his face.] PLUCKY: Buster, you dirty rat... you killed my father. BUSTER: I never killed your father! Didn't you just talk to your father on the phone three days ago? PLUCKY: I know that, but I just thought it would sound cool if I said that. Anyway, I'm looking forward to defeating you in this challenge. [Suddenly, Sneezer, Plucky's biggest fan (and possibly ONLY fan), walks up to Plucky, with tears in his eyes.] SNEEZER: Say it ain't so, Plucky... say it ain't so! [Roderick picks up Sneezer and grasps him tightly in his fist.] RODERICK: I'm afraid he's not going to listen to you THIS time, little boy. [Roderick casts Sneezer aside and approaches Buster.] RODERICK: You see, for this challenge, all five of them work for me, even your team's "secret weapon" Dizzy Devil! Now that it's on our side, you haven't a chance! What now? [shouting] WHAT NOW, PUNK? WHAT NOW? RHUBELLA: Roddy baby, calm down. We've got this in the bag! RODERICK: I suppose you're quite right. Now, let's get into positions... hey! Elmyra, what are you doing? [Elmyra is hugging Babs in her arms.] ELMYRA: Did you miss me, cute bunnykins? BABS[struggling]: Not if you'd use a Tic-Tac! [Roderick hits Elmyra with a mallet, and pulls her away from Babs and onto her position on the football field.] RODERICK: We don't hug our rodents until after the challenge, okay? BABS: I certainly didn't expect someone like him to take MY side... * * * [Fast-motion shot of all the members of the Perfecto team getting into position.] RODERICK: Now, let's get this started! Remember, the one whose jersey has the lowest number goes first. [Roderick approaches Fowlmouth.] RODERICK: Well, well, well, you lucky devil, you! Fowlmouth, with a jersey number of 6, you get to start things off! FOWLMOUTH[dryly]: Next time I get a 6, the dadgum joiseys had better be from 1 to 9... [Fowlmouth takes his position at one end of the field.] * * * [Meanwhile, the other eight Toons watch from the bench.] SHIRLEY: Who knew after all those years of watching football on TV, he finally gets to totally play it? MARY: I thought he only watched the games just to see the half-time show. SHIRLEY: Hmm... you so have a point. * * * [A furry referee blows the whistle, signaling the start of the game. Roderick throws Fowlmouth the ol' pigskin --- and I don't mean Hamton.] FOWLMOUTH: Let's get it on! [Fowlmouth races as fast as he can towards the goal, which is 100 yards away from where he is now. Incidentally, there are 100 white lines, each separated from each other by one yard. Actually there are 101 lines if you count the line he just started from, so---] FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, I ain't got all day, ya know! [Anyway, while Fowlmouth was just talking, one of the muscular Perfecto players tackles him, at the line indicating 2 yards.] RODERICK: First down at 2 yards! Only 8 yards to go before you have to switch! FOWLMOUTH: Yeah, I know that! Ya think I don't know my dadgum math? [Fowlmouth picks himself up, and races towards the goal once again. Just as he reaches the line indicating 4 yards, he is tackled again.] FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit! RODERICK: Total of 4 yards so far! You know, I could have the referee give you a foul for swearing... FOWLMOUTH: Foist, I'm already a fowl, and second--- [The referee threatens to blow the whistle again.] FOWLMOUTH: I'll be good. [Fowlmouth this time is prepared, having seen an opponent attempt to tackle him, he quickly dodges out of the way. But when he reaches the 7-yard line, another Perfecto quickly tackles him.] RODERICK: Third down, 7 yards! One more down to go! [Fowlmouth dodges some more Perfecto players and makes it past the 10-yard line.] RODERICK: He actually made it past 10 yards, I don't believe it... [But when he reaches the 12-yard line, one of the previously executed Toons tackles him...] FOWLMOUTH: Dizzy? We've gotta stop dadgum meeting like this... DIZZY: Sorry, Dizzy could not resist. * * * RODERICK: Fourth down! Fowlmouth starts us off with 12 yards, leaving only 88 yards to go! [Gogo pulls out a piano from piano space, and starts playing it.] SHIRLEY: Like, he said 88 yards, not 88 keys. GOGO: No, this is a piano! These are 88 keys! [Gogo pulls out a giant keyring with 88 housekeys on it.] RODERICK: Montana Max, with the number 7, can you continue from where Fowlmouth left off, please? MONTY[angrily]: Yeah, I'm coming! [Monty takes his place at the 12-yard line, and Fowlmouth returns to the bench to rejoin the others.] MONTY: Your players don't scare me, Roddy! I've purchased better football teams than yours! RODERICK: Even with your money, you can't afford OUR superior team! [Roderick throws the football to Monty. Like Fowlmouth, Monty dashes toward the goal...] MONTY: I can taste the ten grand! [...and like Fowlmouth, he gets tackled by a Perfecto player 2 yards from his starting point.] RODERICK: First down at 14 yards! [Monty picks himself up. On his next down, he gets lucky and manages to dodge another Perfecto before Dizzy tackles him at the 17-yard line.] MONTY: Don't even think of doing that again, or I'll sic a grooming service on you! DIZZY: Dizzy only doing what script says. RODERICK: Second down! If you can't make it to 22 yards by the next two downs, Gogo has to start from 12 yards! [On his third down, Monty dodges an oncoming Plucky Duck before being tackled by Elmyra on the 20-yard line.] MONTY: Ugh! Of all the people who could have tackled me, I had to be tackled by HER! ELMYRA: Yay, I got to tackle Monty-wonty! I'm so happy-wappy! MONTY[muttering]: What a painy-wainy... [On his fourth down, he has made it past 22 yards. Unfortunately, a bulky Perfecto player prevents him from making 23.] MONTY[faint]: Is it over? * * * RODERICK: At the end of the fourth down, Monty has made ten yards, and only ten! Which means that the next player continues from the 22-yard line... so Gogo, in jersey number 8, you're up! GOGO[nervously]: A... are you sure? I've had more experience as a football referee than an actual player... [The actual referee, twice as large as Gogo, hovers over him.] GOGO: Please... you wouldn't kill me, the last of my own kind, would you? RODERICK: Silly dodo. Of course he's not going to kill you. He's going to let you live NOW, so that you can die while you're on the field! [laughs evilly] [Gogo takes his position on the 22-yard line as Monty returns to the bench.] GOGO: Are you sure John Elway started like this? [Roderick throws the football to Gogo. First down, Gogo doesn't do so well, as he only makes one yard before being tackled by a Perfecto jock.] RODERICK: Ouch! That's gotta hurt! FOWLMOUTH: Wait, maybe he's got some dadgum trick up his sleeve that'll get him the next dadgum nine yards easily! [On Gogo's second down, he only makes it as far as the 24-yard line before Concord tackles him.] MARY: Then again... GOGO[to Concord]: Concord, I thought you were on my side! CONCORD: Sorry, had to do that, it's m'job! Hyuk hyuk hyuk! [On Gogo's third down, he does a bit better... 2 yards, in fact. Then Plucky tackles him.] PLUCKY: Ah! So it's YOU who got me executed! I knew it! I've always wanted to do this to you... of course, I really want to do this to Buster and Babs, but this is just a warmup for when that time comes! GOGO: No, THIS is a warmup! [Gogo places a radiator under Plucky's tail, heating it up.] PLUCKY: YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!! BUSTER: Gogo, as much as I want to see Plucky get his comeuppance, now is not the time for that! GOGO: Sorry. BUSTER(CC): For all I know, Gogo could be the Mole now. He hasn't been taking this game as seriously as it should be, and on his first three downs, get this, he got a total of four yards. I don't quite see him making six yards on his fourth down, but then I never actually saw him play football. He could be doing all this on purpose. MONTY[shouting]: Come on, you stupid dodo! There's no way I can win if you don't move it! GOGO[nervously]: Y... yes, sir. [Gogo tries his best to dodge the oncoming Perfecto team as he makes his way toward the goal, and yes, he actually concentrates this time, before being tackled seven yards later.] SWEETIE[rolling her eyes]: You mean he could have actually done that the entire time he was out there? Give me a break... * * * RODERICK: Fourth down at 33 yards! Way to go, you're one-third of the way there! Shirley, with number 9, you're up! [Suddenly, something catches Shirley's eye.] SHIRLEY: Whoa! [What Shirley notices is Plucky wearing a pink sweater and blond wig like Shirley, signaling to the other Perfecto teammates like in "The Acme Bowl".] MONTY: It's too easy... how can I not rip on him? SHIRLEY: Cross-dressing? Yuckola! I mean, were his parents really that abusive to force him to do THAT? PLUCKY[shouting]: You didn't need to know that! [Shirley takes Gogo's place at the 33-yard line, while Gogo retreats to the bench. Roderick throws Shirley the ball.] SHIRLEY[to herself]: Become one with the football... become one with the football... FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, Shoil, while we're young! [Shirley races toward the goal line, and immediately gets clobbered by a Perfecto jock at the 35-yard line.] SHIRLEY: Like, I warned myself about this! But did I listen? No way! Bad, Shirley, bad! [On her second down, she does a bit better, making it to 38 yards before Fifi tackles her.] FIFI[crying]: Pardonnez-moi, Shirley! SHIRLEY: Like, you're forgiven. I don't want this grody pseudo-rivalry to get in the way of our friendship, 'kay? FIFI: Merci! RODERICK: Just five more yards to go, Shirley! Hopefully you won't make it! SHIRLEY: You will totally be proven wrong, Roderick, and it's not just a threat to totally psych you out! RODERICK: You know what? I've seen your lips move many times, and I've heard sounds coming out of your mouths, but not once have any of you Loo-sers actually said anything. [Shirley ignores Roderick and prepares for the third down.] SHIRLEY: Like, here we go! [Reading the movements of the enemy players, she makes it to 42 yards before another jock tackles her.] RODERICK: Ooh, impressive! You only have one yard to go, but we're saving the best for last! [Shirley brushes herself off, and approaches the 43-yard line. Dizzy is there, preparing to tackle her...] DIZZY: Loon girl go down! [...but while he is doing that, Shirley already ran by him. She does, however, get tackled at the 45-yard line, though.] SHIRLEY: Like, I can't win them all... * * * RODERICK: 45 yards in four turns? You made it that far, huh? Well, things are about to change! Sweetie, with number 10, can you come up here, pretty please? SWEETIE[feigning sadness]: Please, don't send me out there! I'll get crushed by those big mean guys! RODERICK: That's exactly why I'm sending you out anyway! [Roderick picks up Sweetie and tosses her toward the 45-yard line. Shirley takes her place on the bench.] SWEETIE: And they won't even let me fly over them... RODERICK: Ooh, you remembered the rules! I'm still not changing them, so there. [Roderick throws Sweetie the football.] SWEETIE: I think even a blind man can see what's going to happen... [Sweetie tries to run as fast as she can toward the goal (which isn't that far), and only manages to make it to the 46-yard line before Elmyra tackles her.] ELMYRA: You cute canary-wary! Did you think you could get past Elmyra? [giggles] SWEETIE: Actually, that never crossed my mind even once! ELMYRA: After this game, I'll have Furrball play with you! SWEETIE: I'd rather take my chances with those Perfecto players, thank you very much! ELMYRA: Well! [Sweetie gets herself up and dashes her tiny little bird legs toward past the 47-yard line. Suffice it to say she doesn't make 48, as a Perfecto jock more than three times her size clobbers her.] RODERICK: Second down at 47 yards! SWEETIE: Don't you think I know that? [Sweetie makes it toward the 48-yard line as fast as she can. However, another Perfecto player impedes her progress. Sweetie and the player both stop. Sweetie edges a few paces to her left, but the Perfecto player mirrors her movements. Same happens when she moves a bit to her right. Eventually, the Perfecto grows tired of playing around and eventually flattens her.] SWEETIE: That's it! I call for contestant cruelty! RODERICK: Sorry, wrong number. Speaking of numbers [smiles], you only have eight yards left to go, and unless you have some trick up your sleeve, you're not going to make it! FOWLMOUTH(CC): Dadgummit... only one down left to go, and Sweetie has to make at least eight yards or more. I think she's just throwin' the game as a sneaky tactic... it's not woikin'! [Sweetie ponders the many possibilities... if she gets tackled, and she knows she will... then who among the Perfecto team will tackle her first? Or does she actually want to be tackled, because is she really...] SWEETIE: Wait... I've got an idea! [Sweetie, at the beginning of the fourth down, sees one of the brawny Perfecto jocks approach her...] SWEETIE: Ha! You can't hurt what you can't see! [Sweetie decides to use her small size to her advantage, as she runs under the dude's legs!] RODERICK: Impossible! She can't do that! ...Can she do that? GOGO: Yeah, she can do that. RODERICK[crying]: But... she can't do that... [Sweetie runs under the legs of several Perfecto players trying to block her progress toward the goal. Eventually she gets tackled...] SWEETIE: *sigh* Oh well... [...but fortunately it's just after the 55-yard line!] RODERICK: What? They're halfway across the field already?! I guess it's time for a change of strategy! [Roderick blows his whistle. All the Perfecto players currently on the field leave (along with the five executed Toons), and are replaced by a stronger set of nine... who are also smarter. Meaning that not only can they read the Toonsters' movements, but they can also spell words like "cat", "dog", and "archipelago" correctly...] BUSTER[nervously]: Eep! RODERICK: Eep is right! Buster, at number 11, it's your turn to lose! BUSTER: Well, I'm glad neither Elmyra nor Plucky will be on the field anymore... what a relief! PLUCKY(OS): Yeah, to YOU! [Sweetie takes her place on the bench, as Buster goes to the 55-yard line to face his punishment.] BUSTER: Well, as long as I'm on the football field, it's time to play some football --- Buster-style! [Roderick throws the football to Buster.] BUSTER[to himself]: I hope this works... [Just as the Perfecto jock leaps up and charges toward him, Buster... slides under him!] RODERICK[shocked]: No... way... [The next jock in line uses this to an advantage, and successfully nails Buster with a sliding attack. Good thing Buster crossed the 58-yard line when that happened.] RODERICK: First down at 58 yards! But you won't get much farther than that! BUSTER: Wanna bet? [Buster notices the next Perfecto use a sliding attack towards him, so Buster does the only thing a rabbit can do in this situation... jump over him.] BUSTER: And I thought this was supposed to be a challenge? [Buster slides under another leaping jock... and straight into another, who tackles him. However, it's at the 62-yard line.] RODERICK: Don't get too cocky! You've still got two downs left, so don't waste them! BUSTER: Oh, I won't! [Buster notices another jock trying to leap-tackle him, so he slides under him, and with quick reflexes, jumps over the sliding Perfecto waiting to ambush him.] BUSTER: Having fun yet? [However, another bulky jock decides to end the fun by tackling Buster. Still it's at the 66-yard line... one yard past Buster's intended goal. Roderick is speechless.] BUSTER: What's the matter, Roddy? You act like you've never seen anyone play a game of football before! RODERICK: Uh, penalty for pass interference? BUSTER: Nice try. [Buster amazes everyone once again, by sliding and jumping at the right moments (I guess playing Buster Busts Loose a lot pays off in a big way), successfully pulling off the avoid-all-the-enemy-Perfectos-in-one-down trick. This causes all the Perfectos to turn around and tackle him from behind. He successfully dodges two, but misses a third tackle from behind. But still, he has made it way beyond his goal, in fact, just past the 81-yard line.] BUSTER: And the moral of the story is --- to know football, you must actually play it, and not just watch it. RODERICK: ...But, but there are still three of you left, with 19 yards to go! It's not over yet! I want to see someone lose, so Mary, at number 12, go up next! MARY: I won't let you down, you guys! [Mary takes her place on the field, at the 81-yard line, while Buster rejoins the others.] SHIRLEY: You hear that, Hamton? If this keeps up, you may not have to get onto the field after all! MONTY: And that's a good thing, because there's already enough weight on the field as it is! HAMTON[insulted]: You're really mean, you know that? [Roderick throws the football to Mary. Mary nimbly dodges a charging Perfecto before being tackled by another at the 83-yard line.] RODERICK: And you can just cut the tension with a knife! MARY[smiling]: Oh, I'm not scared at all! [Mary gets herself up, and successfully dodges two more Perfectos before being tackled again at 86 yards.] RODERICK: Impressive, but you've still got two downs left! MARY: I'm still not scared! [Mary, in an even more improved performance, decides to mimic Buster's sliding ability, which she successfully does against an oncoming charger. She still gets tackled when she reaches the 89-yard mark.] RODERICK: I guess you DO know how to play football after all! MARY: More than you think! FOWLMOUTH(CC): How did Mary get so dadgum good at this game, anyway? She's so dadgum astounding... and so dadgum suspicious! Goils like Mary shouldn't be good at this game! Maybe she loined how to play football when I wasn't looking. [Mary has really pleased everyone on her fourth down, getting tackled just after the 92- yard line.] RODERICK[angrily]: Grrr... [Well, not everyone.] RODERICK: Eight yards left, and only two of you left? Babs, I hope 13's an unlucky number, because you're wearing it! BABS: Yeah, and soon you'll be wearing a glowing L on your forehead! [Babs takes her place on the field, at the 92-yard line.] HAMTON: Please win this for me... so I don't have to be mauled out there! BABS: You got it! [Roderick throws the football to Babs.] RODERICK: Oh, and the "I lost my contact lens" excuse? It won't work this time! BABS[muttering]: Thanks for reminding me... [Babs, however, takes advantage of the fact that she, like Buster, could jump, and thus jumps over a sliding Perfecto player, before getting tackled after the 94-yard mark.] RODERICK: You take after Buster so much, don't you? Well, just because he got away with that strategy doesn't mean you will! BABS[sarcastically]: I'm sorry, what was that? [Babs picks herself up, and carefully slides under a leaping Perfecto player, while jumping over another. She still gets tackled at 98 yards, though.] SWEETIE: Well, would you look at that? Only two yards left! RODERICK: I can count, you know! And those are two yards more than she's going to make next! [Babs dusts herself off from the last tackle, and successfully slides under another Perfecto just at the 100-yard line, and the goal. Roderick and Rhubella just stare with wide eyes.] RODERICK: Impossible...! [Roderick faints.] BABS[to the camera]: He don't know me very well, do he? ***CHALLENGE COMPLETED!*** ***TOTAL POT: $154,500*** * * * MONTY(CC): At last, we finally won something! I guess those idiots are finally smart enough to realize the truth --- that nobody messes with Montana Max and gets away with it! GOGO[in announcer's voice]: Babs Bunny, you have just won the next challenge! What are you going to do now? BABS[excited voice]: I'm going to Happy World Land! SWEETIE: We already went to Happy World Land! BABS[sheepishly]: Oh, that's right... heh heh... [At this point, Plucky appears next to the Toonsters.] PLUCKY: Well, if you're not going to Happy World Land after all, can I go there? [Babs quickly hits him with a mallet, sending him out of the football field.] PLUCKY(OS, shouting): They don't pay me enough for this...!!! [At this point we cut to a shot of Roderick still lying unconscious on the ground, with Rhubella watching over him.] RHUBELLA: Don't worry, Roddy, tomorrow is another day. They won't win the next three, I assure you... [Babs approaches Rhubella.] BABS: Eh? My hearing must be bad, because I thought I just heard something about us not winning the next three challenges! RHUBELLA[correcting herself]: Uh... I was just going over the script, and the possible changes just in case you DON'T win... you could win all of them just like you won this one! Very impressive, by the way! HAMTON: Is Roderick going to be okay? RHUBELLA: Don't worry your pretty little heads over it! He's going to be fine tomorrow morning! Speaking of which, it's getting a little late... come with me, and I'll show you where you'll be sleeping tonight. [Rhubella leads the nine Toons to the Perfecto dormitory.] MONTY: A place like this better have a classy bedroom! RHUBELLA: Why, that is correct, Montana Max! There are two separate rooms we've set up for you! BUSTER: And with our luck, they're probably booby-trapped... RHUBELLA: Booby-trapped?! How insulting! We try to give you a good night's sleep and you immediately put down your new dorm rooms before you even enter them? [Rhubella snaps her fingers.] RHUBELLA: Margot! Danforth! I need your presence! [Two of Perfecto's numerous residents appear on the scene.] DANFORTH: You called? RHUBELLA: Danforth, lead Buster, Hamton, Monty, Fowlmouth, and Gogo to their room down the hallway to the left. And Margot, kindly lead Mary, Sweetie, Babs and Shirley to their room down the hallway to the right. MARGOT: As you wish. [The two waterfowl lead the Toonsters to the sleeping quarters for the next two nights. Danforth leads the five male contestants down the left hallway to a golden door.] DANFORTH: Well, here we are. This is where you five will be sleeping tonight. HAMTON: But what about dinner first? I'm hungry! FOWLMOUTH: Well, THERE'S a dadgum news flash... [Buster and Gogo giggle.] DANFORTH: Oh, this room will take care of that! [Danforth opens the door, leading to a very large room with four large beds. A table has been set near the back wall, and on it, you will find a cornucopia of consumables. There is also a swimming pool in the corner.] BUSTER: Wow, this is awesome! GOGO[pulling out a pocket watch]: And Hamton J. Pig will be hitting the buffet table in three... two... HAMTON: Actually, I don't want to just yet. MONTY: Wha?! FOWLMOUTH: Really? That's a dadgum surprise! HAMTON: Yeah... I don't know what to eat first! [Massive groans coming from the other four male contestants.] * * * [Margot, however, leads the four female contestants down the right hallway to a silver door.] MARGOT: And this is where you four girls will be staying tonight. BABS: So that's it, you're separating us from the guys? MARGOT: Well, it doesn't mean you girls can't have some fun by yourselves, if ya know what I mean... [winks] MARY: Uh, no offense, but we don't swing that way. MARGOT: Is that so? Anyway, enjoy your new room. [Margot opens the door, leading to a very large room with four large beds. Also, a swimming pool is in the corner, and near the back wall, a buffet table has been set up with lots of food on it. In essence, the same as the boys' dorm room.] SHIRLEY: This so reminds me of my past life as Judy Garland... SWEETIE: There is no way I am going to eat all of that food! And besides, Bookworm isn't here... BABS: Still, it'll be a quiet night here, since the boys will probably be fighting amongst themselves... [The other female contestants giggle.] MARY: Yeah, I can't wait to see that! * * * [Fast forward to night in the new rooms. Let's start with the boys... and yes, they are fighting amongst themselves...] FOWLMOUTH: I'm telling ya, the dadgum Mole is Mary. How did she know all about those plays in football anyway? MONTY: No, the Mole's Sweetie! She could've cost us the challenge, ya know! How were we to know she was going to run under those football players' legs until the last minute? FOWLMOUTH: Mary! MONTY: Sweetie! FOWLMOUTH: Mary!! MONTY: Sweetie!! FOWLMOUTH: Mary!!! MONTY: Sweetie!!! FOWLMOUTH: Mary!!!! MONTY: Sweetie!!!! [Suddenly, Gogo raises a hand in front of Fowlmouth and Monty.] GOGO: Please, you two, stop this fighting! Other people have to use those exclamation points, y'know. FOWLMOUTH: I can't dadgum help it! I dadgum hated how they separated us from the goils! I don't know which one of them did it! HAMTON: How do you know for sure the Mole is female? The Mole could be one of us, right? BUSTER: Yeah, there's always a possibility... [approaches Monty] Right, Monty? MONTY: You can't prove a thing! BUSTER: Is that true, Mr. I've Got So Much Money I Won't Let You Have Any Of It? MONTY: You know what? I'm starting to wish I *was* the Mole, then ALL of you losers would be executed! BUSTER: Oh yeah? What if the four of us get exemptions? MONTY: That's not gonna happen! BUSTER: Only the Mole would know something like that! MONTY: My bedridden great-grandpa would know something like that! BUSTER: You have a bedridden great-grandpa now? [Buster laughs.] MONTY: It's not that funny! He... he happens to be very sick! BUSTER: Yeah, because he found out YOU were his great-grandson! [Suddenly, Fowlmouth raises a hand in front of Monty and Buster.] FOWLMOUTH: Buster, Monty, this is normally Shoil's job, but she ain't here, so dadgummit, you two better stop fightin', cuz there's too much dadgum fightin' already! BUSTER[to Monty]: He's right. MONTY: Fowlmouth the peacemaker? Who'd have seen THAT coming? BUSTER[singsong, to Fowlmouth]: Someone's out of character! Someone's out of character! FOWLMOUTH[sarcastically]: Why, thanks for the dadgum compliment! BUSTER: Anyway, I think it's getting late, don't you think? HAMTON: You're right. We may need an early start tomorrow. Let's hit the hay! [At this point, Gogo pulls some hay out of hayspace.] GOGO: You want to hit the hay?! Shame, shame! What did it ever do to you? BUSTER[muttering]: I guess Hamton was right about turning in early... * * * [Meanwhile, let's check in on the girls, who are having a conversation...] BABS: Why, Buster, of course! SWEETIE: Who didn't see THAT one coming? [The other girls laugh.] BABS: Your turn, Shirley. SHIRLEY[nervously]: Um, I hate to admit this, but Fowlmouth. MARY: Well, better you have him than me, sister! [Babs and Sweetie giggle.] MARY: Anyway... I would have to say... Hamton. SWEETIE: Hamton? Why him? MARY: I just... sort of feel sorry for him. That's all. SHIRLEY: Like, it's your turn now, Sweetie! SWEETIE: Why did it have to come down to this... well, among the only choices left in the game... I'd say... Gogo. BABS: Let me guess, so he won't be the last of his species anymore? SWEETIE: Uh... yeah, that's it! [The four girls giggle.] MARY: Should we tell the boys now? BABS: No, it's better if they find out tomorrow morning. Let's go to sleep. [Fast-motion shot of the girls getting into bed. By the way, what was it they were talking about... boyfriends, perhaps? There might have been a ton of good footage that was lost in editing... oh well. Guess I'll have to wait.] * * * 10 spaces DAY 17 [We ended yesterday with the girls getting into bed, so we begin with the boys getting out of bed, appropriately enough... or is that inappropriately enough? Ah, who cares! The point is, they are out of bed, quickly eating the breakfast that was sent to them in their rooms.] GOGO: I can't believe he eats THAT fast... [Quickly meaning they have to eat it as fast as they can so that Hamton can't have any seconds...] MONTY: Oh, pig boy, if you're thinking of eating the rest of my pancakes, I already ate them! HAMTON: That's okay, I'm stuffed. FOWLMOUTH: Well, look at it this way... we did get finished before the dadgum goils. MONTY[to Hamton]: Oh, and if you even think of eating their food, then you'll be the main course for lunch, got that? BUSTER[to Monty]: Why, did YOU want to eat their food, Monty? MONTY[muttering]: Zip it, rabbit... [The boys walk down the hallway, where they meet the girls, who have just come out of their room.] SHIRLEY: Like, what exquisite timing, you guys! BUSTER: Let me guess... you finished breakfast, too? BABS: Yep, and you get to clean our dishes! BUSTER[sarcastically]: Oh goody. [The girls lead the guys to a huge sink with a lot of dirty dishes in it.] BABS: Buster, you get the honor of washing my dishes! [Babs places a plate in Buster's hands.] SHIRLEY: And like, Fowlmouth, this is totally your day! You get to wash mine! [Shirley gives Fowlmouth a cup.] SWEETIE: Gogo, think fast! [Sweetie throws a bowl toward Gogo.] MARY: And Hamton, these are for you! [Mary gives her plates to Hamton.] FOWLMOUTH: Aw, do we hafta? HAMTON: Actually, I don't see what's so bad about cleaning dishes. [Hamton immediately begins work scrubbing Mary's plate.] FOWLMOUTH: Silly me... look who I'm askin'. [Fowlmouth starts rinsing out Shirley's cup.] SWEETIE: Monty... are you smiling? MONTY: Actually, I should be thanking you for letting those four losers clean the dishes instead of me! MARY: Yeah, you don't need to do the dishes. MONTY: I don't, do I? BABS: Nope. You're doing the toilets! [Babs leads Monty to the bathroom. Monty opens a toilet bowl, and places a toilet brush inside.] MONTY[to himself]: Oh well, the joke will be on them once I take home the grand prize... [Monty moves the brush around, and after getting it stuck in the bowl a bit, manages to pull it out.] MONTY: Then all of these losers will clean the toilets instead of me... [Monty rinses the toilet brush in the nearby sink.] MONTY: I'll find out who the Mole is... I will... * * * [Cut to one of the hallways, where there is a huge bulletin board with three messages on it... along with three pegs under each message. There are also nine flash cards, each with one of the names of the nine remaining contestants on it, with a hole in each one, allowing you to slide them onto the pegs. The messages, from top to bottom, are: "NO ICE MEANS NO DICE! We at Perfecto Prep will be having a special banquet at the annual Art Exhibition show tonight. Only problem is --- the ice sculpture that is supposed to be on the center of the table hasn't arrived yet! Now all we need to do is convincee three of those Acme Loo brats to deliver the sculpture... and they'd better not break it, or else they will PAY!" "WE KNOW ABOUT ART, AND WE KNOW WHAT WE LIKE... Speaking of the Art Exhibition, we've come up with a foolproof plan to ensure that our favorite and your favorite school of Perfecto, once again, takes home the trophy... we'll let three of those talentless hacks at Acme Loo make one of the exhibits themselves, and the best part is --- they won't have much to work with! Is that rich or what?" "...AND YOU'LL REALLY LIKE THIS! After the Exhibition, we'll hold a ritual in which we take Acme Loo's 'exhibit', and splatter it with paint guns! Luckily, it will only be guarded by those other three losers. Now that you think about it, the splotches from our paint guns will be an improvement compared to the rest of the exhibit!"] [Shot of the nine contestants entering the hallway. They see the bulletin board and the flash cards.] BABS[reading]: Splatter it with paint guns? Leave it to villains to always explain their plans... MARY: So, we're supposed to put these cards with our names on them on these pegs, right? BUSTER: Perfecto expects us to have three unqualified people for each task. So, therefore, we should use our most qualified for each. SWEETIE[condescendingly]: My, your knowledge of the obvious has far surpassed my expectations, Buster! BUSTER: Why, thank you, Sweetie! SWEETIE: I think I'll do guard duty tonight. That ice sculpture will probably be WAY too big for me to carry! MONTY: Yeah, but you're so small those guards will easily run by you! [Monty is about to place Sweetie's card under the "art exhibit" article.] SWEETIE: You'll just have to trust me on this one! [Sweetie snatches the card from Monty, and places it under the "night ritual" article.] MONTY(CC): Oh well, so much for that oil well I wanted. Sweetie, one of the smallest Toons on the team, wants to take night guard duty? One of those Perfecto guys might as well pick up a plastic cup and place it upside-down over Sweetie's head, trapping her for several hours! [smiling] Actually, that's not a bad idea, because then I won't have to hear her squawking... MONTY: Fine, if that's what you want, then... [Monty places his card under the "night ritual" article, but at the same time, Mary picks up the card with her name under that same article!] MONTY: You too? MARY: Hey, someone has to look out for her! I'll watch her back! SWEETIE[to Mary]: And I'll watch yours, sister! MARY: Oh, thank you! [Sweetie and Mary high-five.] MONTY[crying]: But... who will watch MY back? SWEETIE[rolling her eyes]: Ask ANOTHER stupid question... GOGO: I've got one! Why do they call it a "sandwich board" when you don't use it for sandwiches? [Silence.] GOGO: Well, you told me to ask another stupid question... BABS: Yeah, but at least we got the night-watching part done. Now, who should do the ice sculpture delivery and the art exhibit? FOWLMOUTH: I should do the dadgum ice delivery, since I ain't no artist! SHIRLEY[under her breath]: And besides, like, who would want to see HIS art anyway... [Fowlmouth places his card under the "ice sculpture" article.] HAMTON: I'm surprised no one here actually wants to create an art exhibit yet! FOWLMOUTH: So basically, you want to, huh? HAMTON: How did you know... [Hamton places the card with his name under the "art exhibit" article.] SWEETIE: And I suppose Buster and Babs will want to work together, right? BUSTER AND BABS[together]: You got it... BUSTER/BABS[separately]: Ice delivery! / Art exhibit! [Buster and Babs look at each other, confused.] BUSTER/BABS[separately]: Art exhibit! / Ice delivery! [Buster and Babs are even more confused.] SHIRLEY: Like, you two should agree on something! BUSTER: Uh, why don't we see what Gogo wants to do first, Shirl? BABS: Yeah, and you can join him, so that we can work together! GOGO: Okay, but first, can you guess what I'm impersonating? [Gogo quickly transforms into a Picasso painting.] BABS: That's a painting... HAMTON: Which means you're doing the art exhibit with me? [Gogo turns back into his dodo form.] GOGO: Actually, that was me having a bad hair day. But yes, I *do* want to do the art exhibit, if that's okay with you? MARY: Why, sure it is! [Gogo places his name card under the "art exhibit" article.] BUSTER: So that means Babs and I will do ice sculpture delivery... BABS: And if we do it together, it'll get there twice as fast! [Buster and Babs place the cards with their names on them under the "ice sculpture" article.] SHIRLEY: So, that means I'll do the art exhibit as well! I totally wanted to do that anyway, so... [Shirley places her card in the remaining peg under the "art exhibit" article.] FOWLMOUTH(CC): So Shoil tells us she wanted to do the dadgum art exhibit. But why'd she hafta wait until the last dadgum minute to tell us that?! Jeez... BUSTER: Yeah, you might be good at this art thing! We've got these challenges won! [All nine contestants form a circle, and hold their hands out.] ALL: One... two... three... BREAK! GOGO: Break what? [The other eight contestants groan.] BABS: Uh, Perfecto's spirit! BUSTER: Yeah! I'd like to see Perfecto try to stop us NOW! * * * [Shot of the nine contestants exploring another hallway of Perfecto. Roderick greets them.] RODERICK: Well... I saw you nine just now, and you made some extremely bad choices, didn't you? BUSTER: No, Roderick, we made some extremely GOOD choices. Huge difference! RODERICK: We'll just see about THAT! Anyway, the ice sculpture you may have read about just arrive. I can't wait to see who you chose to deliver it, because that combination would be good for a laugh... [Babs, Buster, and Fowlmouth raise their hands.] RODERICK: You three?! This is going to be much easier than I thought! FOWLMOUTH: You'd better be referring to the dadgum challenge! RODERICK[correcting himself]: Well... as a matter of fact, I was! Come with me! [Roderick leads Buster, Babs, and Fowlmouth outside.] * * * [Shot of an outdoor obstacle course marked with several objects, like hay bales, green arrows, etc. Zoom in on a huge ice sculpture on a platform. It depicts Roderick in knight's garb, with a hand raised holding a sword, and one of his feet on disembodied heads of Buster and Babs. Not a very flattering ice sculpture for Buster and Babs fans, but since this is Perfecto, what did you expect?] ************************** CHALLENGE 32: COOL RUNNING ************************** [Shot of Buster, Babs, and Fowlmouth looking at the ice sculpture.] FOWLMOUTH: Whoever did this is dadgum cruel... BABS: Typical. Perfecto WOULD do something like this... RODERICK(OS): On the contrary... I'd say the artist was consumed by inspiration! [The three turn to see Roderick has been watching them.] BABS: YOU made this... this monstrosity? RODERICK: And what a work of art, don't you think? It belongs in a museum. BUSTER: And since it's an ice sculpture, why don't we send it to Antarctica? RODERICK: Don't be silly... there aren't any museums in Antarctica. BUSTER: I wasn't talking about any indoor museums... it should be displayed OUTDOORS there! And since YOU made it, why don't YOU stand outside and display it? [Babs and Fowlmouth giggle, while Roderick scowls.] FOWLMOUTH: And why not? His heart's as cold as the dadgum sculpture itself! RODERICK[shouting]: ENOUGH!!! [The three Toons are quiet.] RODERICK[regaining his composure]: I mean, enough chitchat. Let's do the challenge. You're going to really love this, as a potential 20,000 dollars are on the line! [Roderick points to the first leg of the course.] RODERICK: What you have to do to win this challenge is to take that ice sculpture over there, and navigate an obstacle course. It is a relay race, and each of you three will have a different leg. In the first leg, you must pick up the ice sculpture and take it with you, which hopefully will be impossible, given that you're just too weak in my eyes! BABS, BUSTER, AND FOWLMOUTH: Hey! RODERICK: I'm sorry. Speaking of hey, you must jump over these BALES of hay that we've placed in your path. Then, while holding the sculpture, you must climb that staircase, which leads to a statue of a lion. You must convince one of our fellow Perfecto colleagues to take a picture of you holding the sculpture standing next to the lion statue, which they never will... [The three contestants are angry.] RODERICK: Okay... after you have your picture taken, you must climb down the stairs, and pass the sculpture to one of your partners, who will be waiting. [Roderick points at the second leg of the course.] RODERICK: Now the Toon who will be doing the second leg must take the ice sculpture to that soccer field over there, and kick one of the soccer balls into that goal. You must do this while you are still holding the ice sculpture. After you successfully score a goal, you must have your picture taken with the ice sculpture and our goalie. Next, you must ride that bicycle through an obstacle course. You have to hold onto that sculpture on your bike ride, because you need to have it to give it to Toon Number 3. [Roderick points at the third leg of the course.] RODERICK: The last Toon only has one task to do for this leg, and that is to place the ice sculpture in a baby stroller, while navigating a course of green arrows leading to Perfecto. It should be simple enough to follow, even for YOU... [The three contestants now give Roderick angrier glances.] RODERICK: Once the ice sculpture has arrived safely on the front steps of the Perfecto building intact, I will add 20,000 to the pot. However, if any one of you three breaks the sculpture, the challenge will end, and 20,000 will be TAKEN from the pot! [The three contestants are really scared now.] RODERICK: You also have a total of ten minutes to get from here to Perfecto. If time runs out before then, well, you won't get any money added to the pot, but you also won't have any money taken from the pot. So... who will be doing which leg? [Roderick leaves the three to talk amongst themselves.] BUSTER: The first leg's a jumping leg, right? BABS: Yeah, you or I should do that one, Buster! FOWLMOUTH: Aw, dadgummit, I wanted to do that one! BABS: Fowlmouth, no offense, but you can't jump as high as us, and you can't even fly. You can do any of the other legs. BUSTER: How about the third one, since I'd like to see you push a baby stroller around! BABS[pinching Fowlmouth's cheeks]: Yeah, cute widdle Fowlmouth wooks so cute pushing a stwoller-woller around! FOWLMOUTH[backing off]: No way! I ain't pushin' around a dadgum stroller! I'm doin' the second one! BUSTER: If that's so, then Babs, why don't you do the third one, since I don't want to push a stroller around either. BABS: What? You're giving in to the age-old stereotype that baby strollers are meant for only women to push around? [Buster and Fowlmouth nod their heads.] BABS[smiling]: Works for me. * * * [The three contestants have taken their places on the obstacle course. Buster, holding the ice sculpture, takes the first leg. Fowlmouth takes the second leg, while Babs is patiently waiting at the third leg.] BUSTER[shivering]: Brr... this ice sculpture is rather cold... my fingers feel like popsicles! RODERICK: Remember, 20 grand is at stake! Your ten minutes start now! [Buster races toward the hay bales, with the ice sculpture in his hands.] BUSTER(CC): They made me carry this huge chunk of ice, and it is very slippery. I won't lie to you, it's EXTREMELY slippery. It's just like trying to hold onto a banana peel that's been soaked in cold water and placed in the freezer overnight! [Despite the fact that he has a slippery ice sculpture in his hands, he never once drops it, and clears the hay bales with nimble jumping reflexes.] BABS(OS): Go, Buster! You can do this! [Buster carefully climbs the staircase, making sure the ice sculpture doesn't fall.] BUSTER: The twenty thousand better be worth it... [Buster stands next to the lion statue, and one of the Perfecto aides takes a picture of him with the statue.] PERFECTO AIDE: Now, do you want glossies or 8-by-10s? BUSTER: Can't talk, gotta complete challenge, see ya! [Buster races quickly down the stairs, again keeping a close watch on the ice sculpture.] PERFECTO AIDE: I was just asking... sheesh... * * * ***TIME REMAINING: 08:10*** [Meanwhile, at the second leg of the course, Fowlmouth is waiting as patiently as he can...] FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, what's taking ya so long, Buster! [...which is not that long. Luckily, Buster has reached the bottom of the staircase, and is quickly handing the ice sculpture to Fowlmouth.] FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, man, this thing's freezin' my feathers! BUSTER: Hey, it's ice. Get used to it, buddy! FOWLMOUTH: Got it. Anyway, I've gotta score with that female goalie by sending those big balls toward her! [Fowlmouth heads over to the soccer field.] BUSTER[shaking his head]: I'm not touching that one with a twenty-foot pole... [Fowlmouth has made it to the soccer field, where a female Perfecto soccer player is waiting.] FOWLMOUTH(CC): When I make it to the dadgum soccer field, they have this beautiful babe guarding the goal! Maybe I should get her dadgum number... FOWLMOUTH: Whoa! Hubba hubba! SOCCER PLAYER: Well, are you going to stand there, or are you going to play soccer? FOWLMOUTH[smooth]: What would you suggest, honey? SOCCER PLAYER[stern]: What do YOU think? [Ooh, she got you there, F.M.!] FOWLMOUTH: Awright... if you dadgum insist... [Fowlmouth approaches one of the soccer balls (which isn't easy when you're desperately holding on to a huge block of ice), and tries to kick one of them into the goal, but the goalie blocks it.] FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit! [The soccer player seems to be taunting him.] SOCCER PLAYER: So? Are you going to send one in this time? Or are you too distracted by my beauty to even shoot straight? FOWLMOUTH: Oh, don't you dadgum worry. I won't miss... [under his breath] and once I leave Perfecto I won't miss YOU... [Fowlmouth tries to kick another soccer ball into the goal, but the goalie reads his movements and blocks it again.] FOWLMOUTH: That dadgum goalie is too strong! She's makin' us boys look bad! [Buster, however, is watching all this.] BUSTER: What is he doing... BUSTER(CC): Fowlmouth had his shots blocked not once, but twice. I don't know, I think he might actually be good in soccer, and he may have done this on purpose as a delay tactic... then again he might actually be bad in soccer, and if he is, I don't want him on MY team! FOWLMOUTH: Thoid time's the charm... [Fowlmouth hits a third soccer ball toward the goal. This time, it flies right past the goalie and into the net.] SOCCER PLAYER: Wha... FOWLMOUTH: Ha! Ya lost! Now ya gotta have your dadgum picture taken with me! SOCCER PLAYER[crying]: It's not fair... FOWLMOUTH: Life ain't always fair, toots. Deal with it. [The goalie grudgingly sets up the camera so that she and Fowlmouth (who is STILL holding the ice sculpture) can get in the shot.] FOWLMOUTH: Okay, say "Fowlmouth is a babe magnet"! SOCCER PLAYER: No! FOWLMOUTH: Eh, close enough. [The camera flashes and takes the picture of the two.] FOWLMOUTH: Well, it's been a dadgum blast! [Fowlmouth carries the ice sculpture with him to the bicycle that has been set up for him.] FOWLMOUTH: Hold on tight, my icy friend... we're in for a dadgum bumpy ride! [Fowlmouth tries to juggle the seemingly impossible task of riding a bicycle and holding on to a sculpture made completely of frozen water. He pedals as fast as he can to make it within the time limit, but also as cautiously to avoid hitting any bumps that might send the ice sculpture falling to the pavement.] FOWLMOUTH: I am never deliverin' ice sculptures on a dadgum bike again! A skateboard, maybe, but... [Fowlmouth swerves to dodge another bump in the road, and maneuvers his way through several more on his way to Babs.] FOWLMOUTH: The Tour de France this ain't! [Fowlmouth reaches the end of his leg, and passes the ice sculpture to Babs.] FOWLMOUTH: Here, you dadgum take it. I have to find a dadgum radiator now! [At this point, Plucky, with his tail feathers bandaged, runs over to Fowlmouth with a radiator.] PLUCKY: You can have THIS one! [Plucky leaves the radiator there, and heads for the hills. Fowlmouth, however, warms his hands over the radiator.] FOWLMOUTH: I know Babs will probably want a dadgum toin. That goil should get her own! * * * ***TIME REMAINING: 05:27*** [Babs places the ice sculpture in the baby stroller, when Roderick runs over to her.] RODERICK: This is impossible! In a similar challenge in The Mole 2, the lawn gnome was broken before they even got to the third leg! [Babs leans her head over to Roderick and squints her eyes.] BABS: Well, Roderick, I've got five words for you... This isn't The Mole 2. Okay? [Babs silently heads over to the path marked with green arrows, with the ice sculpture in the stroller.] BABS: I guess all I have to do is follow these arrows, and I'll have this thing won already! [Babs manipulates the stroller along the winding path for quite a while...] * * * ***TIME REMAINING: 03:13*** [Babs is at the middle of the arrowed path... at least, that's what it looks like through her eyes...] BABS: *puff* Man, is this path so long... *pant* Perhaps Little Beeper should have done this leg instead of me... [Babs approaches the next set of arrows, and notices, in the distance...] BABS: Is that... Perfecto Prep? [And she also notices that the arrows lead...] BABS: Whoa... [...down a steep slope. Which means if she isn't careful, the ice sculpture could be sent flying out of the stroller and into a million pieces...] BABS: I'd better move the stroller as carefully as possible. [Babs gently sets the stroller along the edge of the slope, and carefully pushes it using only the tip of her pointer finger. The stroller carrying the sculpture moves slowly downwards...] * * * BABS: Yipe! [...and then accelerates and moves faster and faster, until it is too fast for Babs to successfully chase down the hill after it.] BABS: Jane! Stop this crazy thing! [The stroller eventually stops when it hits a large rock in its path, and the ice sculpture flies out of the stroller's seat. The ice sculpture crashes into a nearby tree trunk, leaving nothing but ice chunks and a pond of water on the tree. I know trees need water, but this is bizarre!] BABS: Well, at least I don't have to look at that sculpture anymore. [Roderick quietly walks over to Babs.] RODERICK: I see the ice sculpture wasn't intact. Figures. I never should have sent a Toon to do a Perfecto's job... and you know what they say --- you break it... you bought it. BABS: But... it was just an accident! RODERICK: With the Mole around, nothing is "just an accident". Sorry, girl. BABS[to the camera]: Someone should really fire whoever wrote this guy's lines... ***CHALLENGE FAILED*** ***$20,000 PENALTY*** ***TOTAL POT: $134,500*** * * * [Shot of Roderick with Babs, Buster, and Fowlmouth in front of Perfecto Prep.] RODERICK: The bad news is, you lost a challenge and had money taken from the pot. ...No wait, that's GOOD news! BABS: How can money taken from the pot be good news? RODERICK: Any money you DON'T win in these challenges goes to Perfecto! Oh, and to the Mole as well... come to think about it, maybe one of YOU three sabotaged this challenge... then again, it's better than having all nine of you losers do this challenge because even if there was no Mole, it would've been sabotaged anyway... [Buster, Babs, and Fowlmouth are still angry.] FOWLMOUTH(CC): We've been losing a lot more than challenges... we're losin' money as well! And you can bet your dadgum boots that it was because of Babs... she just pushed the stroller down the dadgum hill without even botherin' to hold on to it... y'know, if it was my leg, I woulda kept it where it is. RODERICK: Be thankful you don't have to do any more challenges today. You'd better hope the other six don't foul things up on their challenges... even though they will without realizing it! [Roderick laughs evilly, in fact so loud that Buster, Babs, and Fowlmouth actually leave him and go inside the Perfecto building.] RODERICK[fuming]: Just for that... [Roderick pulls out his cell phone and calls Rhubella.] RHUBELLA[on the phone]: What is it, Roddy? RODERICK: It's time. * * * [Shot of the nine contestants eating lunch in Perfecto Prep's cafeteria.] SHIRLEY: Bummer! Money was taken from the pot? [Okay, I lied. They aren't eating their lunch *per se*... they're just talking.] BABS: Yep, and now Perfecto is going to use it just to fund another campaign about how great their school is compared to "Acme Loser-versity", as they would call it... oh, and to buy another ice sculpture for tonight's banquet. MONTY: Now I really hate Happy World Land for giving me that cheap flamethrower... MARY: You wanted to use a real flamethrower so you can melt the ice sculpture? MONTY[staring at the other eight]: Who said I was going to use a flamethrower on the ice sculpture? BUSTER[frightened]: Monty, don't you dare! [At this point, Rhubella quickly enters the cafeteria.] RHUBELLA[condescendingly]: Um, if it's not too much trouble, can I please borrow Gogo, Hamton, and Shirley for a moment? GOGO: Already? But we haven't finished eating yet! HAMTON: And besides, the correct term is "*May* I please borrow Gogo, Hamton, and Shirley for a moment?" [Rhubella sighs.] RHUBELLA[grudgingly]: Fine... *May* I please borrow Gogo, Hamton, and Shirley for a moment? SHIRLEY: Like, be our guest, and junk! SWEETIE: She IS a guest... an UNINVITED guest if ya ask me... [Fowlmouth, Gogo, Buster, and Babs giggle.] RHUBELLA: Don't worry, they'll be back in time for the Art Exhibit tonight. All of you WILL attend, won't you? BUSTER: Why not! We'd love to see their exhibit! Besides, we have no other choice. RHUBELLA: Exactly what I wanted to hear! Anyway, the exhibit is top secret... HAMTON: It is? RHUBELLA: Yes, and I don't want you three to spoil it for them, so we'd better leave them alone for now. [Shirley, Hamton, and Gogo wave goodbye to the other six Toons.] SHIRLEY: Like, we'll be back, so be good, 'kay? SWEETIE: Oh, don't worry, we will! [Rhubella leads Shirley, Hamton, and Gogo out of the cafeteria, leaving the other six Toons alone.] SWEETIE: ...Not! Come on, let's start a food fight or something! It's getting boring in here! FOWLMOUTH: The canary's got a point! [Fowlmouth picks up his food and smears it all over Monty's hair.] MONTY[angrily]: Now you've done it! My hair is a mess! BUSTER: Is this supposed to be some sort of new occurence? [Monty fumes, and picks up a plate of spaghetti and tries to throw it at Buster. Buster ducks out of the way, and the spaghetti ends up hitting Mary in the face.] MARY: All right! Who did this? [Monty gives a sheepish grin, and points at Sweetie as if to say, "I did throw this plate of spaghetti at you, but I meant to hit Buster instead, and I'm going to frame Sweetie instead just to get off scot-free", which is not at all untrue...] SWEETIE: Guess again. [Sweetie takes a can of whipped cream and sprays it in Monty's face, but he ducks out of the way and causes the foam to hit Babs instead.] BABS: Sweetie, how could you! [At this point, the food fracas becomes too uncontrollable, so we have a thick cloud of cartoon smoke... so thick it causes everyone else to flee the cafeteria. This is probably going to continue for a while, so we'll just cut to a nearby artists' studio for safety... cue the asterisks!] * * * [Individual shots of several sculptures and other exhibits in the artists' studio... many of which border on the bizarre, like a question-mark shaped noose, or the orange and lemon slices forming the shape of a heart... are those some of the exhibits, perhaps?] *************************************** CHALLENGE 33: ART OFFICIAL INTELLIGENCE *************************************** [Shot of Rhubella with the three "aspiring artists", Gogo, Shirley, and Hamton, at the entrance to the artists' studio.] RHUBELLA: Now I know you three are probably looking at all of these exhibits and wondering, "We definitely don't have a chance because one of these is going to give Perfecto another victory!" GOGO: Actually, I was thinking about getting some of them to decorate my house in Wackyland. How much do they cost? RHUBELLA: Sorry, those fine works of art are not for sale. GOGO: Awww... RHUBELLA: Anyway, this challenge has two parts. The first part of the challenge is... actually creating a work of art of your own. Your materials... are in here. [Rhubella opens a door leading to a storage facility in which various leftover items are stored --- among them several pairs of shoes, a mannequin, a huge prop hand, costume jewelry, some old books, and some shards of brokken glass.] RHUBELLA: You must use the items in this room, and ONLY these items, to create your masterpiece. You have one hour to create your work, and after that, an art critic will come by. I will show him all the exhibits in this studio, and I will also ask him which one was yours. If he guesses incorrectly, $10,000 will go in the pot! [Shirley, Hamton and Gogo cheer.] RHUBELLA: Also, the exhibit must not only be one that will fool the art critic, but also one which your friends will recognize, since I will show all of these exhibits to them as well. Now, if you three would enter through this doorway, we can begin the challenge. [The three contestants enter the storage room. After this, Rhubella closes the door, and LOCKS it!] SHIRLEY: Hey! RHUBELLA: You're going to stay here until the hour is up, and you'd better have an exhibit before then! [sweetly] Have a nice day! [Rhubella leaves the studio, forcing the three to discuss their art plans. The storage room has become a makeshift 'war room', although none of these items could be helpful in any actual war... except in Gogo's case...] GOGO: Yeesh, this place could really use some decorating, if you ask me. SHIRLEY: Y'know, I took a look at all the exhibits in the studio, and as freaky as they are, I think they have one thing in common! GOGO: You think they look good back in Wackyland too? SHIRLEY: Well, what I was thinking was that all of them were totally symbolic, in that they all symbolize something. HAMTON: Shirley has a good idea! Why don't we make our exhibit symbolic, too? GOGO: Precisely! I think we should place the mannequin on the pile of old books, and cover the books with the shards of broken glass, and place one of the shoes on each of the mannequin's shoulders! HAMTON: And what exactly does THAT symbolize? GOGO: My lack of a creative idea. [Shirley and Hamton faint.] HAMTON(CC): We're supposed to be creating an exhibit that will fool the art critic. He is definitely going to find out which exhibit is ours if we listen to Gogo's idea! His ideas are too weird, and even I don't know what his exhibit would symbolize... unless he's the Mole and uses this as an excuse to get away with it! SHIRLEY: I think Gogo does have a point... but can I place one of the books in one of the mannequin's hands instead? HAMTON: To make it look like a man reading a book? Sure, why not! SHIRLEY: Cool! GOGO: Boring! HAMTON: What do you mean? GOGO: A man reading a book is just that... a man reading a book! C'mon, we're supposed to be creative here! HAMTON: But... that's the only thing I can think of! SHIRLEY: Wait, I've got another idea. Hamton, can you, like, place a pair of shoes on that box over there, and surround the box with the broken glass? HAMTON: WHAT?! HAMTON(CC): I think Shirley has lost her mind. The broken glass is very sharp, and if I touch it, I could cut myself... and she wants me to touch it? I thought Gogo's ideas were bad enough... SHIRLEY: Like, is something wrong? HAMTON: I'll put the shoes on the box, but I have a huge problem with the broken glass. SHIRLEY: And that is? HAMTON: I don't like touching dangerous objects! What if I bleed, Shirley? SHIRLEY(CC): Hamton tells me that he totally doesn't want to touch the broken glass. I totally thought he was a team player, but like, when did THAT happen? When did HE suddenly become uncooperative? SHIRLEY: You're right, Hamton. Maybe I could move the broken glass with my powers instead... GOGO: Yeah, that could work! HAMTON: Okay, then! [Hamton places an old pair of shoes on the box, and after that, Shirley moves the broken glass with her mind so that forms a large ring around the box (Hamton safely moves out of the way first). After this, Shirley finds an old pair of glasses and places it on the mannequin.] GOGO: I'm confused... what does it symbolize again? [Shirley points out the various aspects of the work of art.] SHIRLEY: You see this? This is a man who is totally intelligent, as you can see from the glasses and the book he is reading. GOGO: I'm listening. SHIRLEY: The man suddenly wants a pair of shoes. So he walks over, and he sees a pair of shoes that he likes... but unfortunately, they are surrounded by shards of broken glass. HAMTON[shuddering]: Wow, isn't that dangerous? Won't that hurt his feet? SHIRLEY: Yes, indeed, they will hurt his feet. It's ironic that the shoes he wants are placed in a position that would so cause him to hurt his feet if he tried to get them. [Hamton looks at the mannequin suspiciously.] HAMTON: Wait... this mannequin doesn't have any legs at all! SHIRLEY: Exactly! And since he doesn't have any legs, he doesn't have any feet, and, like, he wouldn't need any shoes, so there is totally no reason for him to get them! [At this moment, Gogo's eyes open slowly, and turn into two flowers opening as if to greet the sun.] GOGO: Whoa... you definitely opened MY eyes! For a work of art that makes no sense, that makes a lot of sense! SHIRLEY: I guess someone agrees with me! We totally have our exhibit! HAMTON: Wait just a minute... SHIRLEY AND GOGO: Huh? HAMTON: How will our friends know it's ours? Rhubella said it must be an exhibit that our friends must recognize. SHIRLEY: Yeah, it totally needs some kind of signature item... one that will send our pals a message, like we're totally speaking out to them... a shout-out, if you will. GOGO: You guys, look at this! [Gogo points at a pair of Buster Brown shoes.] SHIRLEY: Whoa! These are Buster Brown shoes! I can see the name "Buster" written on them! It's one of our friends' names, so they'll have to recognize it! GOGO: Yeah, but it's too bad I couldn't find some more shoes that I wanted to use as a shout-out to Monty. HAMTON: What shoes are you talking about, Gogo? GOGO: Mules! [Shirley and Hamton groan.] SHIRLEY(CC): The Buster Brown shoes Gogo found are an omen. When my friends see this exhibit, they will definitely know which one is ours now! But wait a minute... "Buster Brown"... could this totally be a hidden clue to the Mole's identity? Man, my aura hurts... SHIRLEY: So, it's settled, 'kay? The Buster Brown shoes will be the shoes used in the exhibit. GOGO: We'd better set it up now! HAMTON: Okay, as long as I don't have to touch the broken glass... [Shirley and Gogo giggle.] * * * [Fast-motion shot of the three contestants putting the exhibit together... including putting a dress shirt, tie, and suit jacket on the mannequin, as well as a hat... also, they place a huge shoebox in front of the mannequin, and the Buster Brown shoes on top. They also surround the box with a LOT of broken glass (which Hamton absolutely REFUSES to touch).] [At this point, Rhubella unlocks the door to the storage room.] RHUBELLA: Time's up! Have you got your exhibit ready? GOGO: Is Elmyra a ditz? [Rhubella looks at the exhibit and laughs her head off.] RHUBELLA: THIS is your exhibit? Oh well, hopefully the art critic won't know YOU did this... oh, that's right, you have to fool the art critic and you'll add 10,000 to the pot, I keep forgetting! [Rhubella wheels the exhibit into an empty spot in the studio. After this, she pulls out a cellular phone and presses some buttons. After the phone rings, someone answers it.] RHUBELLA[on the phone]: Hi, this is Rhubella. ...Yes, the Tiny Toons are here. ...Yes, you'd better get over here, otherwise you don't get your salary, got it? And no salary means back to working at Weenie Burger for you, and you definitely don't want THAT! ...Okay, okay, I was being sarcastic, no need to sue. You can call those lawyers off, I'll be good. Okay, goodbye. [Rhubella puts the phone back in phonespace.] RHUBELLA: He's coming. GOGO[excitedly]: Oh goody! [The art critic, who is Dan Dogma from the episode entitled "Oh For Art's Sake", makes his appearance.] DAN DOGMA: A pleasure to meet you all. RHUBELLA: As you can see, this is Dan Dogma, who works for Artists' Meet Magazine. Dan Dogma, meet Hamton, Gogo, and Shirley... Hamton, Gogo, and Shirley, meet Dan Dogma. [The three Toons greet Dan Dogma.] HAMTON: Hello there! SHIRLEY: Like, the pleasure is all mine! GOGO: Pleased ta meetcha! DAN DOGMA: Now, what's this I hear about an exhibit that these three Tiny Toons have created? RHUBELLA: Oh, it's in this very studio, in fact! If you can figure out which of these exhibits is theirs, you will win $10,000. If you can't, they get it. DAN DOGMA: Oh, I do love a challenge... [Rhubella leads the three Toons into the storage room while Dan looks at the various exhibits throughout the studio. One of the exhibits is a sculpture of an arrow sign pointing up, titled "The Eternal Deception".] DAN DOGMA: That piece of art raises a question that is going to keep me up all night... [Dan looks at another exhibit, which is the pieces of orange and lemon that form the shape of a heart.] DAN DOGMA: That artwork makes me want to reach out and taste it... but I can't, out of respect for the artist. [The next exhibit he looks at is a noose in the shape of a question mark.] DAN DOGMA: I knew at some point in life there was one exhibit that was going to be one big question mark... and this is it. [Next, he looks at the actual exhibit the Toons made, the mannequin reading a book and the shoes surrounded by glass.] DAN DOGMA: This one is apparently trying to tell me something... but I don't know what... [The Toons watch Dan Dogma from the storage room. They notice Dan Dogma staring at the exhibit in curiosity... has he discovered the correct one already?] [The next exhibit Dan looks at is a holy cross sign made out of loaves of bread.] DAN DOGMA: I guess more than one artist has used food recently... were they hungry when they made these? [The final exhibit he looks at is a toilet with a rubber hand sticking out of it.] DAN DOGMA[shuddering]: I'm not touching that one with a forty-foot pole... * * * [After looking at all six exhibits, he chats with Rhubella. But from the storage room, the Toons can't hear what the two are saying.] HAMTON: Ooh, I really wish I could read lips... GOGO: I can't read lips. They don't have any words on them! SHIRLEY: I guess it's up to the spirits now... * * * [Dan Dogma has finished talking with Rhubella. Rhubella then goes over to the storage room.] RHUBELLA: Okay, you can come out now. [Rhubella leads the three Toons over to Dan Dogma.] RHUBELLA: Now, Dan has made his decision. Okay, Dan, tell these three which exhibit you thought was theirs. DAN DOGMA: In my honest opinion, all six were great exhibits, but this is not about which one I thought was the best, this is really about which one I thought was by the Tiny Toons. I thought about it, and I have come up with a decision... [The three Toons are nervous.] DAN DOGMA: I think that the Tiny Toons worked on the exhibit with the hand sticking out of the toilet. I know, because I have seen most works by teenagers lately, and they are usually sophomoric and immature, and most would involve toilet humor or something like that. Of course, I could be wrong, maybe they really are mature, and could use the toilet exhibit as a last resort just to fit in with the untalented masses. RHUBELLA: Okay, Hamton, Shirley, and Gogo... Dan Dogma thought you worked on the toilet exhibit. Please show him the exhibit you worked on. SHIRLEY: Like, the toilet exhibit was a good idea, since I like all kinds of conceptual art, puerile or not, but... GOGO[in game show host voice]: ...Unfortunately, that is not the correct answer we were looking for! [The three Toons lead Dan Dogma to the exhibit with the mannequin and the shoes.] HAMTON: THIS was the correct exhibit! DAN DOGMA: YOU did this exhibit? It was so complex, I didn't think YOU'D be able to grasp it at your age. In fact, even *I* still can't comprehend its meaning... what was it, anyway? SHIRLEY: Okay, like the man you see before you is, like, intelligent because of the book he is reading... GOGO: Once upon a time, the man wanted a pair of shoes... HAMTON: But, unfortunately, the only shoes he saw were surrounded by a broken glass. They were very dangerous and could cut his feet. SHIRLEY: But then he realized, "Hold the phone! I don't have any legs, and I totally don't have any feet! Duh!" HAMTON: And since he doesn't have any feet... GOGO: He wouldn't NEED the shoes... SHIRLEY: So his quest for shoes was totally pointless! [Shirley, Hamton, and Gogo bow, and Dan Dogma claps.] DAN DOGMA: That was really impressive! Good job! One day, you may grow up to be the finest artists in all of cartoondom! What do you call this masterpiece? SHIRLEY: Oh, we call this "Shoeless, But Not Clueless". DAN DOGMA: Nice title! You should make some more exhibits! Maybe I'll see them in a museum one day! HAMTON: Who knows, maybe you will! [Dan Dogma shakes each of the contestants' hands.] DAN DOGMA: So long, until we meet again! GOGO, HAMTON, AND SHIRLEY: So long! [Dan Dogma leaves the studio, leaving just Rhubella and the Toons.] SHIRLEY(CC): I'm still stoked that we fooled an art critic. He even managed to compliment our piece! Oh my gawd, I think I may have found another calling in life! GOGO(CC): If our friends find out that the mannequin exhibit was ours, it could raise our morale a bit more. Then again, one of those six could be the Mole... RHUBELLA: Way to go! You have fooled our art critic, AND added 10,000 dollars to the pot! [Hamton, Gogo, and Shirley cheer.] ***TOTAL POT: $144,500*** RHUBELLA: But don't start celebrating yet! This is only part one of the challenge! The second part is still to come, and that is the exhibition tonight! Your friends will be there, and they still have to figure out which exhibit is yours, and they won't... [Rhubella breaks into an evil laughter.] GOGO[whispering to Shirley]: Shall we hit her? SHIRLEY[whispering to Gogo]: Like, no way, I detest violence. GOGO[whispering to Shirley]: That's okay. Our friends can hit her later. * * * [Fast-motion shot of a huge auditorium in Perfecto Prep with all six exhibits (including the Toonsters' mannequin/shoes/glass exhibit) being set up at separate booths.] [Fast-forward to the exhibition, with a banquet table that has a new ice sculpture on the center that is similar to the one that Babs broke... except THIS one is in perfect condition and not shattered into millions of pieces.] [Of course, that's not the only reason the Toonsters were invited to this exhibition...] * * * [Shot of Roderick, leading Buster, Babs, Monty, Mary, Sweetie and Fowlmouth to the six exhibits. Hamton, Gogo and Shirley are not with them, as Rhubella has sequestered them to another location of the auditorium.] RODERICK: Every year at Perfecto, we have had a tradition. At our annual art exhibition, we would normally exclude rival schools such as Acme Looniversity from participating, ensuring that our ceremony would remain Perfecto-only. This year is an exception. For the first time, outsiders are allowed to contribute exhibits. One of these six exhibits, in fact, was donated by your three teammates. If you can figure out which one that is, I will add $15,000 to the pot. [The six Toons cheer.] RODERICK: Now without further ado, let's --- [The six Toons trample over Roderick's body... flattering him.] RODERICK[faint]: ---look at the exhibits... urgh... * * * [Fast-motion shots of the six Toons looking at the six exhibits. Unfortunately, they have no idea which exhibit is their friends'.] BABS: Gee, Buster, I have no idea which exhibit is our friends'. [Is there an echo in here...] BUSTER: Now that you mention it, I'm torn between two certain exhibits. MONTY[angrily]: You'd better find it quickly, or else you'll be torn between ALL the exhibits... and by torn, I meant IN PIECES!!! [Mary wisely hits Monty with a mallet.] MARY: With that threatening remark aside, which exhibits do you mean, Buster? BUSTER: I was thinking about the cross made of bread, and the heart made of fruit slices. MARY: Why not? Since Hamton's on that team, he probably WOULD think about food! [The other Toons giggle, except for Monty, who is desperately trying to recover from his flattened state.] BABS: Wait... what about this exhibit? [Babs points at the exhibit which is actually Gogo's, Hamton's, and Shirley's. That's right. The mannequin. The book. The shoes. The broken glass. Yes, THAT exhibit.] BUSTER: Nah, I don't think it's theirs. SWEETIE: Yeah, it wouldn't be. This one has broken glass everywhere, and Hamton would have an objection to the broken glass. [Shirley, Gogo and Hamton watch the six Toons leave that exhibit.] FOWLMOUTH: Should we try looking at that toilet exhibit again? That was dadgum funny... [Buster checks the heart made of fruit slices again.] BUSTER: I knew it! It's this heart shape! [The other five Toons run over to where Buster is.] BABS: Hey, you're right. I guess the heart symbolizes Hamton's love for food! SWEETIE: That's Hamton! MONTY: Yeah, and I think the fruit symbolizes the fact that he's rather fruity! Ha ha! FOWLMOUTH: Fruity? You mean like... MONTY: Exactly! [Hamton, meanwhile, watches with anger.] SHIRLEY: Hamton, like, what's bumming you out? HAMTON[muttering]: I never should have kissed Plucky... MONTY: In fact, that dodo and that loon girl are also fruity! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Shirley and Gogo also become angry at this remark.] GOGO[muttering]: Ooh, now he's gone too far... MARY: I guess you think that citrus heart was their exhibit too, Monty? MONTY: You guessed right, girl! SWEETIE: Quick, let's tell Roddy! [The six run over to Roderick.] RODERICK: Have you made your decision? BABS: Yes, Roderick, and we concluded that the exhibit with the hand sticking out of the toilet was... rather disgusting. Oh, and we think the heart made of fruit was theirs. RODERICK: Oh, was it? Rubykins, bring our other three guests out here! [Rhubella brings the other three Toons to join the rest.] RODERICK: Hamton, Gogo, Shirley... was the exhibit made of citrus slices yours? HAMTON: Actually, it wasn't. Sorry, everyone! [The group of six Toons looks dejected.] BUSTER: Then... which one was it? GOGO[in Walken voice]: It was the freaking exhibit with the freaking mannequin reading a book! Didn't you see the freaking Buster Brown shoes? They had your freaking name on it, Buster! Your... name! And you didn't see it? BUSTER: I... guess I must have not looked at it close enough. MONTY(CC): The stupid rabbit didn't see a pair of shoes that had his own name on them? If he had only used his brain... oh wait, can't use what you don't have. RODERICK: How pathetic... tsk, tsk, tsk. You can't even tell your own exhibit apart from the others? I guess it's time to say goodbye to 15,000 more dollars! [waving his hand] Goodbye, 15,000 more dollars! ***CHALLENGE FAILED*** ***TOTAL POT: $144,500*** [Cut to a table where Margot and Danforth are talking.] MARGOT: Can you believe that the Tiny Toons lost some more money? DANFORTH: Actually, Margot dear, it's nothing unusual. Just same old, same old. Oh well, pass the salt. [Cut back to Roderick, and the Toons.] RODERICK: And now the moment all of you have been waiting for... FOWLMOUTH[under his breath]: Not... RODERICK: When we reveal which exhibit won first prize! [Roderick is handed an envelope from one of the Perfecto students. He opens the envelope, and reads what's inside...] RODERICK: And the winning exhibit is... what a surprise! It's a five-way tie between the cross made of bread, the heart made of orange slices, the arrow pointing up, the question mark-shaped noose, and the toilet with the hand inside of it! [All the Perfecto students clap.] BABS: Aw, come on! We lost to a TOILET?! RODERICK: Hey, is it our fault that toilet jokes are still popular? Get used to it. BABS[fuming]: Grrr... RODERICK: But you do get this honorary ribbon as a consolation prize... [Roderick hands the Toons a shoddily-made ribbon with a sticker that has "#6" on it.] RODERICK: And you get the honor of having your exhibit on display outside, where several of our finest sharpshooters will pelt it with paintguns tonight! See you there! [Roderick, Rhubella, and the other Perfectos exit, leaving the Toons with their new "award", and the first thing they notice about it is...] SWEETIE: Hey, that sticker is loose! BABS: Talk about getting a bum deal! MARY: Wait, I think it's hiding something! SHIRLEY: Like, another clue? [Mary rips the sticker off, revealing a picture of the Earth divided into four sections, each a different color of either yellow, red, blue, or black.] BUSTER: Who knew the Mole could be so artistic? HAMTON: I wonder what this symbolizes... SWEETIE: Please... I've had enough conceptual art for one day... [Roderick opens a door and sticks his head outside it.] RODERICK: Oh, Sweetie, Mary and Monty... please come outside. You've got night duty! We'd like to see how poor a job you do at protecting your exhibit! [Roderick slinks his head back through the door.] SWEETIE: I was wrong... I *haven't* had enough conceptual art for one day... * * * [Cut to late at night, at an outdoor fortress-like area. The Toonsters' exhibit is standing on a platform on the roof of the fortress, lit up by two spotlights on either side of the exhibit.] ********************************* CHALLENGE 34: PAINT BY NUMBSKULLS ********************************* [Cut to Roderick who is standing at the fortress' entrance along with Sweetie, Mary and Monty.] RODERICK: Ah, nice of you three to show up. MONTY: Aw, can't it wait until tomorrow morning? SWEETIE: Yeah, I need my beauty rest! I want to look pretty by tomorrow morning! MONTY: Sorry, Sweetie, you'll need to wait ten years for THAT! SWEETIE: Hmph! RODERICK: Now you may be saying to yourselves, "Our exhibit looks so pretty with the outdoor lighting, and the fact that it's on the roof of an important building makes it even more special!" SWEETIE: When did we ever say THAT? RODERICK: So, some of us are going to sabotage your little exhibit tonight. We are going to prevent your exhibit from being in the spotlight, either by moving both of the lights away from the exhibit or moving the exhibit out of the spotlight's range. Once that happens, you won't be able to stop us from showering it with paint from our paintguns. The paint will make the exhibit look pretty... pretty ridiculous, that is! [Sweetie, Mary and Monty pretend not to hear Roderick's bad joke.] RODERICK: The good news is, you three will get paintguns as well. [Roderick hands a paintgun to each of the three contestants.] RODERICK: Now, each of you can only get a limited number of shots, so try not to waste them! We won't be shooting any of our paintguns, because we're saving them for the exhibit! If you shoot any one of us with a paintgun, then he/she will no longer be able to do anything throughout the rest of the challenge. MARY: Hmm... that's an advantage. RODERICK: To win the challenge, you must keep the exhibit illuminated by at least one spotlight until sunup. If you can complete this challenge, I will add $15,000 to the pot. So the lesson is, if you stay up past your bedtime, you win money! Of course, that doesn't apply to real life, but work with me here, okay? SWEETIE: You won't catch ME sleeping on the job! RODERICK: Don't forget, we could show up at any time during the night, so if all three of you fall asleep, you're outta luck! Anyway, see you all tomorrow morning! [Roderick, giggling to himself, leaves the fortress.] * * * [9:00 at night. The three immediately discuss strategy in their "war room", which is just a random room in the fortress they have decided to discuss strategy in.] MARY: I tell you, this must be a crucial challenge to win if he's making us stay up past our bedtime... SWEETIE: And knowing them, they probably won't strike until after midnight... let's take a short nap until then, I'm tired, goodnight. MARY: No, wait! [Sweetie immediately takes a nap on one of the tables in the room.] MARY(CC): I don't think Sweetie is that much of a team player, to tell you the truth. She wants to sleep on the job, leaving only two of us to do the work of three. Remember when she said, "You won't catch me sleeping on the job"? That was obviously a lie... [Mary tries to wake Sweetie up, but Sweetie won't wake up yet.] MARY: Sweetie? Sweetie, hello? [Mary tries to nudge Sweetie repeatedly, but Sweetie stubbornly stays in slumber.] MONTY: She's really annoyin' ya, huh? MARY: Tell me something I *don't* know! MONTY: Remember when you were ten years old and sold Girl Scout Cookies, and you wondered why your donation box was empty? Well, I took all the money that was in there, and bought a CD player with it! Ha! MARY: You *what*?! MONTY: Well, you told me to tell you something you didn't know... MARY: That's nice, Monty, but we have an even bigger problem on our hands! MONTY: That's okay, once I win this game, I'll pay it all back, I promise! MARY: No, the problem is how we are going to keep the enemies from getting in. MONTY: Speak for yourself! We're playing a competitive game, and every other contestant is my enemy! [Mary drags Monty by the arm to another room in the fortress.] MARY: Yeah, but there's still a team element, and we need to work together! MARY(CC): As if Sweetie wasn't bad enough, Monty seems to play this game all by himself! I do not know how many of us he has alienated over these past seventeen days... [Monty is led into a room where there are several bales of hay.] MARY: You see these? We can use these to block the entrance to the fortress. [Monty picks up a bale of hay, and places it into Mary's arms.] MONTY: Ladies first. MARY: I know it's technically in MY hands, but since YOU picked it up... [Mary places the bale of hay back into Monty's arms.] MARY[smiling]: ...it's yours! MONTY: Grr... MONTY(CC): It should have been that simple... pick up a bale of hay, and place it in front of the door. But Mary expects me to do all that work for her... why she can't do it herself is beyond me. [Monty grudgingly places the bale of hay at the fortress' entrance. Sweetie is still sleeping on the nearby table.] MONTY: That oughtta take care of that... [Said bale of hay suddenly falls over, and lands on Monty's foot...] MONTY[shouting]: Ouch! [...waking Sweetie from her little nap.] SWEETIE: Hey, I'm trying to rest! MONTY: Well, congratulations! I'm trying to win money! Now place some more bales of hay over there like a good little girl should, okay? SWEETIE: Well, maybe I would [shouts] IF THEY WEREN'T TOO HEAVY!!! [Monty combs his hair to get it back to normal after it had been exposed to Sweetie's shouting.] SWEETIE: Now, if you don't mind, I need my shuteye. Good night, and wake me when those freaks arrive. [Sweetie goes back to sleep, much to Monty's chagrin.] MONTY[to himself]: She's trying my patience... [Monty has a sneaky idea. She places the sleeping Sweetie on top of the bale of hay he left in front of the door, and runs out to join Mary in the storage room, where she is picking up a bale of hay.] MARY: You're back, huh? [Monty surprises Mary by lifting a bale of hay.] MARY: Oh, I see someone's decided to help me out tonight! MONTY: You ain't whistling Dixie, sister! [Monty raises the bale of hay over his arms, and races towards the fortress' entrance, where Sweetie is still sleeping.] MONTY: THIS oughtta give her a wake-up call... [Monty places the bale of hay ON TOP of the other bale of hay where Sweetie is sleeping.] MONTY[smiling]: Montana Max 1, Sweetie 0. [While Monty races back to the room with the bale of hay, a flattened Sweetie emerges from the hay sandwich.] SWEETIE[muttering]: How dare he... SWEETIE(CC): I must have dozed off too long, and suddenly, I get squashed by this giant haystack coming toward me! I bet Montana Max did this to get even with me... [Meanwhile, Mary places a bale of hay in front of the fortress' rear entrance, where she has placed several other bales of hay.] MARY: Did Perfecto use this building as a barn or something? [Mary runs over to the hay storage room, where Monty has picked up another bale of hay.] MARY: Oh, have you seen Sweetie? MONTY[lying]: Sweetie? Yeah, she went to the roof. She wanted to guard the exhibit after all. MARY: Okay. When I'm done boarding the back entrance, I'll tell her. [Monty races over to the front entrance with the bale of hay, but he finds that one of the bales of hay he set in front of it is missing.] MONTY: What the... SWEETIE(OS): Guess who! [Monty is shocked to see Sweetie flying overhead, carrying the missing bale of hay.] MONTY: What are you doing here? And why are you carrying that bale of hay? I thought you said they were too heavy! SWEETIE: They are! [Sweetie frees the bale of hay from her talons, squashing Monty flat.] SWEETIE: Now you know how I feel. See you later, Monty. [Sweetie flies back to the table to go back to sleep.] * * * [Meanwhile, Mary has finished boarding the rear entrance.] MARY: That's another one out of the way. I'd better check up on Sweetie. [As Mary heads for the roof, Monty has just emerged from under the hay bale, and has recovered from squashed state. He sees Sweetie still on the table and Mary heading for the roof.] MONTY[to himself]: Oh no... if she goes to the roof and sees Sweetie isn't there, I'll look bad! [Monty runs over to Mary and grabs her away from the stairs leading to the roof.] MARY: Monty! MONTY: You can't go up there... uh, she... she's a bit cranky, and you don't want to get near her when she's in one of her moods! MARY: I'm not falling for it. [Mary pushes Monty aside, and races up the stairs. He suddenly realizes something...] MONTY: Wait a minute, there's more than one staircase! Why didn't I think of that? [Monty picks up Sweetie and runs up the other staircase to the roof. She places Sweetie in front of the exhibit.] MONTY: One problem solved... [Monty races downstairs, and Mary just comes up the other set of stairs. She sees Sweetie asleep in front of the exhibit.] MARY[suspiciously]: In one of her moods, eh... [Sweetie suddenly wakes from her nap.] SWEETIE: W... what am I doing up here? MARY: Oh, you dozed off for a bit. Anyway, you're doing a good job guarding the exhibit. SWEETIE: What? I wasn't guarding the exhibit! I was lying on the table sleeping! MARY: B... but Monty said you just went to the roof by yourself! SWEETIE: I wasn't going to do that until after midnight! But as long as I'm here, I'll take a nap under the stars. Take care of Monty for me, okay? [Sweetie goes back to sleep.] MARY(CC): Monty has lied to my face. There are two sets of stairs in the fortress that lead to the roof, and Monty probably took Sweetie from the table, ran up the set of stairs I wasn't on, and placed her on the roof to avoid suspicion! If he is the Mole, he's sabotaging more than just challenges... MARY[to herself]: And now that he's downstairs... [Mary decides not to disturb Sweetie from her nap, and goes to sleep next to her.] MARY(CC): As long as I was on the roof, I chose to take a little nap next to Sweetie to teach Monty a lesson. He's going to have to do all the work by himself from now on... that'll teach him to mess with Mary Melody. Never underestimate the power of a woman. * * * [Meanwhile, Monty is placing some more hay in front of doorways in the fortress.] MONTY: I thought Mary was going to help me... where is she anyway... [Monty suddenly does a double take...] MONTY: Of course! The roof! [Monty races up the stairs to the roof, where he finds Mary sleeping beside Sweetie.] MONTY[muttering]: Oh, not this again... MONTY(CC): When I went to the roof, I saw that Mary fell asleep as well, and I had to barricade all the doors of the fortress all by myself. That I found suspicious... [Monty approaches Mary and tries to wake her up, but she won't.] MONTY(CC): If I ran a company and they worked for me and they fell asleep on my watch, I'd fire them. Then again, if they didn't fall asleep, I'd still fire them! Then I'd hire new people and fire THEM, because I *love* to see people suffer! MONTY: Fine. Be that way. [Monty storms down the stairs and begins barricading some more doors.] MONTY[to himself]: This is all the Mole's fault... I've done too much manual labor already... * * * [Fast-forward to 1:00 a.m. at night. In the distance, a jeep, carrying the Perfecto students, approaches the fortress. The Perfectos are wearing all-black clothing for this mission. Roderick is in the front seat, driving. Rhubella is also in front, and Margot and Danforth are in back.] RODERICK: So, have you got the plans the Mole gave us? [Margot holds up a pile of papers.] MARGOT: Right here! DANFORTH: Remember, we must follow these plans to the letter. We cannot afford any mistakes! MARGOT: We never make any mistakes! After all, we're Perfecto! RODERICK: That's right! Now let's wreck their exhibit! RHUBELLA: The exhibit will get the Midas touch... of multicolored paint, that is! [The four Perfectos laugh.] * * * [The jeep drives up to the front door of the fortress. The Perfectos get outside and try to open the front door but it's jammed shut.] RHUBELLA[muttering]: Those cretins must be smarter than we thought... DANFORTH: Uh, wasn't there a back entrance? RHUBELLA: Right, we keep forgetting... [The Perfectos now approach the back entrance. But like the front door, it's also barred shut.] RODERICK: I guess there's nowhere to go but up... [Roderick pulls out a grappling hook from grappling hook space, and shoots it at the roof. It connects to something.] RODERICK: All right, let's go. [The four Perfectos climb the grappling hook's rope to the roof. However, they are surprised to see the rope moving around...] RODERICK: What the...? [...and it falls down to the ground, causing the Perfectos to fall down with them. What the grappling hook hit, which is Sweetie, flies over to them.] SWEETIE: Hey! I told you not to disturb me when I'm sleeping! [Sweetie flies over to Mary.] SWEETIE[shouting]: YO, MARY, GET UP!!! [Mary wakes up from her nap.] MARY: Sweetie, what is it... SWEETIE[singsong]: They're heeeee-eeeeeere! MARY: Already? SWEETIE: Have you got your gun ready? [Sweetie flies over to where she saw the Perfectos. She aims her paintgun and Mary does the same.] RODERICK: Uh... don't shoot! We have a hostage! RHUBELLA[to Roderick]: We don't have a hostage! RODERICK[to Rhubella]: Quiet, you! [Sweetie and Mary fire their paintguns at the Perfectos. Unfortunately, none of their shots hit them, as they quickly run away.] SWEETIE: They'll be back... MARY: We'd better warn Monty... * * * [2:00 a.m. The exhibit is still intact, and is still being lit by two spotlights.] [However, the Perfectos are persistent, as they return with a catapult.] MARGOT: Are you sure this will get us onto that roof? RODERICK: Trust me. I saw this in a cartoon once. [Roderick places himself in the launcher.] RODERICK: Okay, Danforth, cut the rope! [Danforth cuts the rope, and Roderick is sent flying toward the roof... and unlike Wile E. Coyote, he actually lands on top of it.] [Unfortunately, he happened to run into Sweetie, who is armed with a paintgun.] SWEETIE: Pop quiz! What is black and white and red all over? RODERICK: I don't know... a penguin rolling down the stairs? SWEETIE: Nope, I'm sorry, the correct answer is... you! [Sweetie shoots Roderick with paint, forcing him out of the challenge. Three more to go.] RODERICK[crying]: Y... you'll pay for that! This was an expensive outfit! SWEETIE: Oh, you're supposed to be dead. RODERICK: What did you say?! SWEETIE: You heard me! I shot you, so now you have to die. RODERICK: Impossible! I'm a cartoon character, and cartoons don't die! SWEETIE: I mean, in the challenge! RODERICK[sardonically]: Oh, all right... [Roderick lies on his back, in the "I'm dead" position.] SWEETIE[smiling]: This'll be easier than I thought... * * * [Cut back to the rest of the Perfectos outside, on the ground.] RHUBELLA: Why isn't he back yet? MARGOT: I bet someone got him. DANFORTH: This can't be happening! How are we going to get in now? We can't go through any of the doors and... MARGOT: ...but wait! What about the windows? [Danforth, Rhubella, and Margot are grinning.] * * * [Cut to Monty inside the fortress, placing a heavy crate in front of one of the sources of power used to keep the searchlights lit. Meaning if someone from Perfecto got inside, they could disable it, preventing anyone from turning it on ever again... until next morning, perhaps, when the challenge is over...] MONTY: I am really spent! And the girls can't help me exactly WHY? [Monty hears footsteps from outside.] MONTY: Oh, so you've finally come to your senses! Don'tcha know how much I went through?! [And he also hears some voices laughing evilly... one of which is a boy's.] MONTY: ...It's not you... well, whoever you are, you are so asking for it! * * * [Cut to the three Perfectos just outside the room Monty is in. They approach the door leading to the generator room, and see a hastily-written sign on it reading "HE WENT UPSTAIRS. NOW GET OUTTA HERE, YOU LOSERS!"] DANFORTH[sarcastically]: Oh, I guess he went upstairs. I guess he won't mind if I play with the generator a little bit, hm? [Danforth kicks down the door with his foot and sees Monty's paintgun staring at him in the face (despite the fact that the paintgun does not have any eyes on it whatsoever).] MONTY: I assure you, you won't get past me! [Monty shoots Danforth with paint, knocking him out of the competition. However, while Monty is busy with Danforth, Rhubella runs past both of them and pushes the crate on top of Monty, squashing him flat...] MONTY: Hey... whoever did that is going to pay! [...which means that while he is trying to get the crate from on top of him, he does not stop Rhubella from using a wire cutter to disable the generator, turning off...] * * * MARY: Wait... did you just see that? One of the spotlights turned off by itself! SWEETIE: What tipped you off? [Of course, one of the spotlights flanking the exhibit has been turned off. If Perfecto finds the other one...] MONTY(OS): Urrggh... I can't move! Someone do something, or I'll sue... SWEETIE: They are NOT getting away with this! [Sweetie approaches the stairs, and races down them...] MARY: You're leaving me here... all alone? SWEETIE(OS): That's right! Good luck! [By now, Sweetie is out of sight.] MARY: Now I have to guard the exhibit all by myself... I hope Sweetie's okay... * * * [Sweetie is searching the fortress for one of the generator rooms. She has her paintgun ready, just in case.] SWEETIE[shouting]: All right! What have you done with Monty! [A note falls from a trapdoor in the ceiling. She reads it. It is, in fact, the same one Monty wrote: "HE WENT UPSTAIRS. NOW GET OUTTA HERE, YOU LOSERS!"] SWEETIE: So Perfecto has finally done it! Resorting not only to kidnapping, but also to calling us "losers"! They can't get away with this! That's MY job! [Sweetie storms upstairs, not realizing that she was JUST in front of the other generator room. And to make things worse, while Sweetie is going upstairs, Margot stealthily enters the generator room, and pulls out some wire cutters...] * * * [We cut back to the roof, where Mary is, and now Sweetie is, but not...] SWEETIE: He's not here... they lied to me! MARY: Who's not here... Monty? SWEETIE: If he's not here, then where could he be? I was trying to find the generator room! [Just then, the other spotlight turns itself off.] MARY: I guess someone already found it. SWEETIE: Well, I guess I know whose fault THIS is... MARY: Whose fault? SWEETIE: ...I don't know either. ***CHALLENGE FAILED*** ***TOTAL POT: $144,500*** * * * [Shot of Roderick greeting Mary and Sweetie on the roof of the fortress.] RODERICK: It's not my job to darken your door... actually, it IS my job to darken your door, silly me! But you lost another challenge! But, no hard feelings. We have a special treat planned for you tonight... I take it there was a third member of your party? Where is he? [A squashed Monty slowly ambles up the stairs to join Mary and Sweetie.] MONTY: Before you say anything, I'm in a rotten mood, so don't ask what happened to me! RODERICK: Okay, we'll ask what happened to you later. But right now, it's time to give your exhibit the proper makeover! [Roderick and his gang aim their paintguns and create beautiful patterns with their watercolor bullets... at least, I would say that if the colors didn't clash with each other... but that's obviously what Perfecto wants, I give them that.] RODERICK: You know what this means, don't you? SWEETIE: Yep... you just wasted a whole lotta paint! RODERICK: That, and your exhibit will now be a laughingstock. Of course, it already is a laughingstock, so who cares! Ha ha ha ha ha! [Sweetie aims her paintgun at Roderick and shoots him.] SWEETIE[smiling]: And history repeats itself! MONTY(CC): When I was trapped under that crate, I missed so much of what was happening... those Perfecto losers might have done it, but I think it was one of those two girls... or maybe one of them is in league with the Perfectos... MARY(CC): Monty was no help at all! I had to guard the roof all by myself and he could have at least come up to help me! Was HE responsible for all this? * * * DAY 18 [It has been a rough night for Sweetie, Monty, and Mary, so you can forgive them for sleeping in their dorm rooms early...] [In the cafeteria, on the other hand...] FOWLMOUTH: ANOTHER dadgum stack of pancakes, Hamton? That's the fourth one this mornin'! HAMTON: I don't know why they still aren't up yet! FOWLMOUTH: Yeah, but does this mean you had to eat their dadgum food...? HAMTON: I can't help it! When I'm worried, I get hungry! FOWLMOUTH[under his breath]: And when you AIN'T worried, you get hungry... SHIRLEY: Like, look on the bright side, Fowlmouth... you ate yours! BABS: Now that you mention it, Buster, why DIDN'T you wake Monty up this morning? BUSTER: And let HIM eat breakfast? No way! BABS[smiling]: Oops. Stupid question to ask. Silly me. BUSTER: Only two more challenges to go, and then Perfecto will finally release Bugs! GOGO: Yeah, but what if they DON'T release Bugs after those two challenges? BUSTER: Oh, they will. They're Perfecto. We're Acme Looniversity. You fill in the blanks. [A very tired trio of Sweetie, Monty and Mary enters the cafeteria.] BABS: Oh, there you are! We already finished breakfast. FOWLMOUTH[pointing at Hamton]: Or, rather, HE finished it for ya. MONTY: What?! [Monty runs over to the cafeteria employee at the counter.] EMPLOYEE: Can I help you? MONTY: Yeah, give us three breakfasts, now! EMPLOYEE: We already made nine breakfasts for you, and we don't feel like wasting the energy making three more! [Sweetie flies over to the employee.] SWEETIE: Listen, you! If you don't make those breakfasts, you'll be depriving some innocent people of their daily nourishment! Also, Monty wants one too. EMPLOYEE: Okay, okay... [The employee waves a hand toward a faraway Perfecto cook.] EMPLOYEE[shouting]: Three breakfasts, and step on it! BUSTER(OS): Or in the case of Monty, step on it, and HARD! MONTY(OS, muttering): Don't push it, rabbit... [Fast-motion shot of the three breakfasts being delivered to Sweetie, Monty, and Mary...] [...and another fast-motion shot of said breakfasts being eaten by those three...] COOK: These kids eat so much nowadays... why isn't there a children's program that'll get them to lose weight... * * * [Meanwhile, at the Animation Alliance HQ, Artie is watching.] ARTIE: I've got another great idea! Barb will just LOVE this! * * * [Cut to a shot of all nine contestants greeting Roderick and Rhubella at the foyer.] RODERICK: Good morning, everyone! How are we all feeling today? MONTY[angrily]: Not the same as you! RHUBELLA: Well, with that aside, we need two of you for the next task... someone who is good at golf... and someone who ISN'T good at golf. RODERICK: Oh, and for the first group, someone who is good at golf... well, you're looking at the only two possible choices, but since we're not contestants, we can't participate, so you'll have to find someone else... RHUBELLA: ...even though all nine of you aren't good at golf, and thus, belong in the second group! [Roderick and Rhubella laugh.] MARY[to Shirley]: Are they ALWAYS like this? RODERICK: Well, who's going to volunteer? [Buster raises his hand.] BUSTER: Yes, I want to volunteer! RODERICK: And which are you? BUSTER: Someone who is good at golf! RHUBELLA: Okay, now we need someone who is not good at golf! Come on, don't be shy! [After a long pause, Monty raises his hand.] BABS: Monty? You're not good at golf? BUSTER: No surprise... he doesn't even play it! He lets his servants play it for him, while he sits in a chair sipping lemonade! [Monty gives Buster an angry look.] MONTY: For your information, I do not sit in a chair sipping lemonade, while letting my servants play golf for me! I sip chocolate milk, so there. RHUBELLA: Right... anyway, Buster, you have one hour to teach Monty how to golf. MONTY: What?! BUSTER: You heard the female rat! RHUBELLA: The other seven of you can wait a while. Your role in the challenge comes later. Right now, it's time to watch as Buster fails miserably in teaching Monty how to golf! RODERICK: Did you bring the camcorder, Ruby? [Rhubella pulls out a camcorder from camcorder space.] RHUBELLA: Right here! BUSTER: Wait a minute... why would you bring a camcorder when there are already cameras recording our every move? RHUBELLA: Oh, we wanted the uncut version. BUSTER: Ah! Makes sense. * * * [Cut to a wide-open outdoor field, used for many golf games. However, the golf challenge does not actually take place here... this is where Buster is training Monty on how to play.] MONTY: Well, you'd better teach me how to become good at golf, because if I mess up, then I'll know you're the Mole! BUSTER: Easy, Monty. Now, since this is your first time, I'll teach you the basics. [Buster shows Monty a golf club.] BUSTER: This is a golf club. Now, do you know what this is used for? MONTY: Yeah, I think I do... [Monty picks up the golf club, and whacks Buster on the head with it.] BUSTER[reeling]: This could take a while... [Fast-motion sequence of Buster continuing to train Monty.] [As you can see, he is having difficulty at first, given that he hasn't been good at this sort of thing before, but eventually he gets the hang of it, correctly aiming for the target and managing to score a few times.] [Of course, I was referring to Buster in that last sentence, but the above could apply to Monty as well...] * * * [After Monty has practiced for a while, Roderick decides to step in...] RODERICK: Oh, Buster, can you come here for a minute? BUSTER: Sure thing. [Roderick leads Buster into a small shack. In the shack is a table with a set of cards, seven of which have names of the seven contestants other than Buster and Monty, seven more have names of categories, and the other seven have the numbers 0 through 6.] RODERICK: For this challenge, the other seven contestants will have to answer questions based on different categories. The categories are... [Zoom in on the seven cards with categories on them.] RODERICK: Animaniacs, Music, The Internet, Video Games, Geometry, Sex, and a question about that contestant. You must also rate the contestants using a different number from 0 to 6, based on how likely they will answer their question correctly. 0 means you think the contestant probably won't answer correctly, while 6 means you think the contestant will answer correctly. Go on, make your choices now. BUSTER: Hmm... [Roderick leaves Buster to ponder his choices. However, in true suspenseful fashion, we are not allowed to see what they are... then again, we are seeing a fanfic made of words, letters, and numbers, and not pictures, so we probably can't see them anyway...] * * * [Cut to a mini-golf course with nine holes. Each of the holes resembles a different number from 1 to 9 in order.] **************************** CHALLENGE 35: PUTTER FINGERS **************************** [Shot of Rhubella with Mary, Sweetie, Hamton, Babs, Shirley, Gogo, and Fowlmouth.] RHUBELLA: It's a nice day outside... perfect for a game of golf. However, YOU won't be golfing today, Monty will be. But will he do well, or will he fail? That depends on how Buster trained him this morning. In a moment, Monty will begin a nine-hole golf course, and if he successfully completes all nine holes, $15,000 will be added to the pot! [The seven contestants cheer.] RHUBELLA: At the start, he will have nine strokes to begin with, one for each hole. He'll have to be really lucky to sink a hole in one on each of the nine holes... but there's a great chance that won't happen. That's where you seven come in. Just before the challenge, Buster assigned you a question for you to answer, and a point value for that question, from 0 to 6. If you answer that question correctly, then Monty will be given the number of strokes equal to the point value of that question. MARY: I guess we'd better answer all of them correctly, right? SWEETIE: Right, sister! RHUBELLA: Now, let's begin the challenge! Roddy, bring the other two over here, would you? [Roderick brings Monty and Buster to join the others.] MONTY: What exactly are they doing here? RODERICK: Oh, they're here to watch. Now, it's time to see how your training has paid off! Go over to the first hole, please. BUSTER: Hey, Monty, the first hole is the one that has the flag with the number 1 on it. MONTY[angrily]: I *know* that! * * * [Monty's first hole is shaped like the number one. It's just a straight line with the hole at the end of it. Monty gets a hole in one on the first try! Strokes used so far: 1/9] [The second hole is shaped like the number two. It's a bit more difficult because of the curve at the beginning, but it should be easy at the end with a straight line at the bottom. Monty doesn't get a hole in one on this one, but he does sink the ball after three strokes. Strokes used so far: 4/9] [The third hole is (well duh) shaped like the number three. Another curvy course. But a bit easier than the 'two' hole, as Monty uses up two strokes this time. Strokes used so far: 6/9] [The fourth hole, shaped like the number four, starts off with a vertical line from the bottom to the top of the four, then a sloping hill sliding downward to the middle left, and then a lower path on the middle line from left to right. Monty uses three strokes here. Strokes used so far: 9/9] * * * RHUBELLA: Monty, you're doing a good job so far! You're almost halfway there! MONTY[smiling]: Wow, that's good! RHUBELLA: Now, to continue on, your friends will have to answer some questions. If they answer correctly, you'll receive the number of strokes equal to the point value of that question. The first category is Animaniacs, and it's for Sweetie to answer. SWEETIE: Go ahead! [Rhubella pulls out a card from card space.] RHUBELLA: The question is: "What is Mr. Plotz's first name?" SWEETIE: Mr. Plotz? RHUBELLA: Yeah, the CEO of the Warner Brothers network in that series? SWEETIE: Hmm... I think his first name is Thaddeus? RHUBELLA: Thaddeus, hm? Well, that is correct! SWEETIE[smiling]: Yes! RHUBELLA: Buster, how many points did you give Sweetie? [Buster holds up a card with the number 0 on it.] SWEETIE[shocked]: Zero points?! You don't trust me with Animaniacs? BUSTER: Well... SWEETIE: I'll have you know that I'm a diehard Animaniacs fan! I've watched every single episode until its cancellation! BUSTER: Then you should have told me, Sweetie. SWEETIE: Urgh... SWEETIE(CC): I can't believe Buster gave me zero points. Is it because he hates me, or doesn't trust me with Animaniacs? I'll never know which, but I do know this... he is becoming more and more suspicious... maybe he does know I like the show, but gave me a lower number on purpose... RHUBELLA: Well, since that question was worth zero points, Monty, you don't get any strokes yet! MONTY: No fair! RHUBELLA: Maybe you will on the next question. The next question is about music, and Mary, I believe you were given that question. MARY: Okay. [Rhubella pulls out another card.] RHUBELLA: The question is: "What famous singer is the sister of a cast member on 'All That'?" MARY: Hmm... a tricky question... "All That" is a show on Nickelodeon, right? RHUBELLA: That's correct, but that's not the question. We need to know which singer is the sister of a cast member on that show. MARY: Hmm... let's see... I think, Britney Spears? RHUBELLA: That's right, Britney Spears is the correct answer, and she's the sister of Jamie Spears! Buster, how many points did you give Mary? [Buster holds up a card with the number 2 on it.] MARY: Two points? Well, it's better than nothing... [Sweetie just scowls at Mary.] RHUBELLA: Since that was a two-point question, Monty, you get two strokes! Go ahead, knock yourself out! BUSTER[under his breath]: Preferably with a blunt instrument... MONTY: I heard that! [Monty now attempts the fifth hole, shaped like a number five. The curve at the bottom of the five makes it a bit difficult, as after his two strokes, he doesn't hit the ball all the way. However, it is past the middle of the five...] * * * RHUBELLA: Ooh, so close! Maybe Shirley will get this next question right, which is about the Internet. SHIRLEY: Like, I'm ready. RHUBELLA: The question is: "What does the common Internet term 'LOL' stand for?" SHIRLEY: LOL? Like, is that an upgrade to AOL or what? [The other Tiny Toons laugh.] SHIRLEY: Like, just kidding. I think LOL stands for "Lots Of Luck". RHUBELLA: "Lots Of Luck"? Well, you may need lots of luck to win the challenge, because that answer is wrong. The correct answer is "Laughing Out Loud", which a lot of you probably aren't doing right now since you got it wrong. SHIRLEY: Bummer! FOWLMOUTH(CC): I know what LOL means. And all of you at home probably know what LOL means too. But Shoil just gave the dadgum wrong answer! I'm pretty sure we're gonna lose the dadgum challenge because of her... RHUBELLA: Buster, what number did you give Shirley? [Buster holds up a card with the number 1 on it.] RHUBELLA: A 1? Well, it's not a total loss... you're saving the big guns for the other players, Buster? BUSTER: You bet. RHUBELLA: Well, Babs is up next, and she gets a question about video games. BABS: Hopefully it won't be about those next-generation consoles, because they're too expensive! RHUBELLA: Don't worry, this one's old-school. The question is: "In the very first Tiny Toon Adventures video game for the NES, what were the names of the three Tiny Toons that were playable along with Buster?" BABS: Well, I know I'M not one of them... so that narrows it down... but I'll have to say the other three were Plucky, Dizzy, and Hamton. RHUBELLA: Nope, but you were close... the correct answer was Plucky, Dizzy, and FURRBALL. BABS: Rats! MONTY(CC): As you can see, I'm still on the fifth hole, because Babs couldn't give the correct answer to a question about a game she was in. Let me spell it out for you... A... GAME... SHE... WAS... IN. I think she's doing this on purpose because she doesn't want me to win, that's what I think! RHUBELLA: Now Buster, how many points did you give Babs? [Buster holds up a card with the number 4 on it.] BUSTER: Sorry, Babs, I thought you would get that one! BABS: It's okay, we all make mistakes. RHUBELLA: The next question is about geometry, and it's for Hamton! HAMTON: Well, I've always wanted to get in shape... but I'm getting into shapes instead! [Some of the Toons giggle.] RHUBELLA: Well, shapes ARE important in animation, you know. Your question is: "What is the shape of a face on a traditional dodecahedron?" HAMTON: Dodeca... that's twelve faces, right? RHUBELLA: Yes, but what's the shape of those faces? HAMTON: Let's see... a triangle? RHUBELLA: Nope, a pentagon! HAMTON: Yikes... SWEETIE(CC): And Hamton misses a geometry-related question... Sheesh, I thought he would get that one, seeing as he gets high grades in that class... RHUBELLA: Buster, how many points did you give Hamton? [Buster holds up a card with the number 5 on it.] RHUBELLA: Aye yai yai... we only have two questions left, and you'd better get them correct! The next question should get your attention, and it's about sex! FOWLMOUTH: You said the magic woid, sister! RHUBELLA: How appropriate, because this question is for Fowlmouth! FOWLMOUTH: I won't get THIS dadgum question wrong! RHUBELLA: It's probably not the sex you were thinking of... the question is: "In 'A Quack In The Quarks', what sex is Chewcudda?" [Fowlmouth's jaw drops.] FOWLMOUTH: Let's see, Chewcudda's a goil's name, right? So, I'll say Chewcudda's a goil. RHUBELLA: Wrong! Chewcudda was a bull, so he's male. FOWLMOUTH: Speaking of bull, this game is a whole lotta bull --- [Babs raises her hand to cover Fowlmouth's beak, but Fowlmouth quickly places it back down.] FOWLMOUTH: I just said this game was a whole lotta bull. And that was it. BABS: Oh. MARY(CC): Fowlmouth got HIS question wrong as well... you know, four questions have been answered incorrectly so far, and I think the Mole is one of those who answered incorrectly... RHUBELLA: Buster, show Fowlmouth how many points you gave him. [Buster raises a card with the number 3 on it.] RHUBELLA: I guess we only have the 6-point question left. By default, Gogo gets it, and you should get this one, as it's a question about yourself! GOGO: Really? Well then, ask away! RHUBELLA: Gogo, the final question is: "What was the name of the episode in which you made Babs the Queen of Wackyland?" No help from the audience, please. GOGO: The episode in which Babs was the Queen... I don't remember, was it "Queen Babs"? RHUBELLA: Sorry, the correct answer was "Her Wacky Highness"! I guess you've lost another one! MONTY[really angry]: Urggh!!! ***CHALLENGE FAILED*** ***TOTAL POT: $144,500*** * * * RHUBELLA: Wow, the pot really hasn't changed much! Five questions were answered incorrectly. Is the Mole one of those five? Or is Monty just a bad golfer? Now that you mention it, was Buster a bad trainer? These questions you DON'T know the answer to, and never will until the game is over! One more challenge to go before someone is executed! The pot might change, but then again, the pot might not change! We'll see you then. [Roderick and Rhubella leave.] BUSTER: I don't like Rhubella now. She said something about me being a bad trainer. MONTY: She also said something about me being a bad golfer! FOWLMOUTH: She and Roddy get on EVERYONE's dadgum noives... SHIRLEY: Like, I agree... though I've survived this round of negative energy, I could put up with more. SWEETIE: Unless they break their word and don't give Bugs back. SHIRLEY: True... MARY: I don't think we should worry about that now. We only have one challenge left. BABS: If it has a high money value, I want to win it! We've been losing a lot lately! HAMTON: And we'd better win. This losing has lowered our morale! GOGO: Let's win one for Acme Loo, baby! [The nine raise their hands in front of each other once again.] ALL: One, two, three... Acme Looniversity! * * * [Shot of a very large room in Perfecto, filled with ten challenging puzzles and riddles. The camera zooms in on each one of the ten in a random order.] ************************** CHALLENGE 36: MIND SWEEPER ************************** [Shot of Roderick and Rhubella outside the room, with the nine contestants.] RODERICK: You're going to love this next challenge, as it's worth a potential $20,000! This should fatten the pot, wouldn't you say? MONTY: Yes, and I want to win now more than ever! RHUBELLA: All right, now I want you two split into two groups, one of five, and another of four. The two must also be of equal intelligence. MONTY: Well, that's obviously impossible, since eight zeros is zero! [The other eight Toons are obviously offended.] BUSTER: And you're one of those eight, huh Monty? MONTY: Don't start. [The teams huddle amongst each other, and eventually settle on these two groups: Group 1 - Babs, Buster, Fowlmouth, Gogo, Sweetie Group 2 - Hamton, Mary, Monty, Shirley Important. Could be on the quiz. Just thought you'd like to know ;). ] RODERICK: There have been weirder combinations, but I agree with that. Buster, Babs, Sweetie, Gogo, and Fowlmouth, come with me. Rhubella, please have Shirley, Monty, Hamton and Mary wait outside! RHUBELLA: You've got it! [Rhubella leads the group of four into a waiting room, while Roderick leads the group of five into the room with the puzzles.] RODERICK: As you may have noticed now, there are ten puzzles in this room. Some are easy, some are hard. And some are deceptive. Your task is to solve as many as you can in thirty minutes, because for each one you get correct, you'll get $2,000. [The five Toons are excited.] SWEETIE: $2,000 for each puzzle? Come to mama! [Rhubella sticks her head through the door.] RODERICK: What is it? RHUBELLA: Roddy, should we tell them about the trap? RODERICK: Not yet! RHUBELLA: Okay. Just checking. [Rhubella slinks her head back where she came from.] FOWLMOUTH: Trap? Dadgummit, what's this about a trap? RODERICK: Oh, it doesn't concern you. Let's not worry about whether there's a trap or not, and let's concentrate on the challenge, okay? * * * [Shot of the first puzzle. It seems easy enough. It says: "How many times can you subtract 16 from 128?"] SWEETIE: Wow, an easy one. GOGO: Well, no better place to start than this... BUSTER AND BABS: We know this!! RODERICK: You do already? What is the answer, then? BUSTER: Eight. RODERICK: Why eight? BABS: We rabbits are known to multiply. RODERICK: You can subtract 16 from 128 eight times... BUSTER: Yep. RODERICK: Incorrect. BABS: What?! [The correct answer is... once. After you subtract 16 from 128 once, it isn't 128 anymore - it's 112.] FOWLMOUTH: I guess they won't be so dadgum easy after all... is that the trap? RODERICK: No, there's no trap! Would you stop obsessing about it? FOWLMOUTH: Sorry. * * * [Shot of the second puzzle. It reads: "What is the next letter in this sequence? W T W T W A A L ..." and gives four choices: "1)A 2)L 3)T 4)W".] BABS: A bit tougher this time... GOGO: Wait, I think I know this one... is the correct answer 2)L? RODERICK: Why do you think that? GOGO: Because every letter has been used more than once except for L. RODERICK: Well, not the answer I was looking for... [The gang seems sad.] RODERICK: ...but you're correct! GOGO: Yeah! ***TOTAL POT: $146,500*** [The correct answer is 2)L. The sequence is composed of the first letters of the words of the Tiny Toon Adventures theme song: "We're Tiny, We're Toony, We're All A Little Looney..."] * * * [Shot of the third puzzle. It reads: "When Lola Bunny is 20 years old, she gives birth to twins. When Lola turns 30, the twins are 10 years old, and their combined age is 20. When Lola turns 40, the twins' combined age will be 40. When Lola is 50, the twins will be 60, which should mean they are older than Lola. When will the twins be twice as old as Lola?"] FOWLMOUTH: When will they be twice as old as Lola, huh? BABS: So if she's 60, they'll be 80... BUSTER: If they're 70, they'll be 100... GOGO: And if they're 80, they'll be 120... SWEETIE: Wait! BUSTER: Huh? SWEETIE: I don't think that's possible... because I tried a big number like 5,000 or 10,000, and I don't think you can get a number that's twice as big as Lola's age. RODERICK: So you agree that it's a trick question? SWEETIE: Yep. RODERICK: You've just won another two grand! SWEETIE: Yay! ***TOTAL POT: $148,500*** [The correct answer is: Never. Even if you add their ages together, a twin, or any child for that matter, can never be twice as old as its own mother! That can never happen in real life or in cartoons!] * * * [Shot of the fourth puzzle. It reads: "Add a certain letter to each word, and rearrange the letters to form a new word. What letter is it?" It also gives six words: CLAIM, INTO, ONE, RATE, REAL, and VOTER.] BABS: What letter do you think? P? BUSTER: Let's see... POINT, PEARL, OPEN, don't know about CLAIM though... FOWLMOUTH: Yeah, how about S? You know, CLAIMS, RATES, VOTERS... BABS: I think we're supposed to rearrange the letters in each word... GOGO: How about X? SWEETIE: Why X? GOGO: Well, I think X is one of the underappreciated letters of the alphabet, along with Q, J, and Z. [The gang thinks of some new words with X in them.] BUSTER: He's right. We're not getting anywhere with some of the common letters. SWEETIE: X it is! RODERICK: You say X is the correct answer! You're right! GOGO: You know what they say... X marks the spot! ***TOTAL POT: $150,500*** [The correct answer is X. CLAIM becomes CLIMAX, INTO becomes TOXIN, ONE becomes OXEN, RATE becomes EXTRA, REAL becomes RELAX, and VOTER becomes VORTEX.] * * * [Shot of the fifth puzzle. It is a wall with three light switches in the off position, and a door that connects to a room containing only a light bulb. There's also a sign above the light switches which reads: "Only one of the light switches turns on the light bulb in the other room. Which one is it? Give a valid reason, and do not guess. Keep the following in mind: You can only enter the room once, and once you leave it, you cannot enter it again. When hitting the light switches, keep the door closed. Also, you cannot hit any of the light switches when someone is in the room."] BABS: They're certainly going all-out here... BUSTER: Maybe this is part of the trap, and someone will keep turning the lights on and off while we're in there... BABS: Can I do this? [Babs turns on light switches 2 and 3.] BABS: I'll go to the other room to check the light bulb. If it's on, it's one of those two. If it isn't, it's number 1. [Babs enters the other room. She sees the light bulb is on in that room.] BUSTER: Shall I turn off the light switches to see which one is correct? BABS: No, that's cheating! SWEETIE[sarcastically]: Cheating... in Perfecto? Wouldn't dream of it! BABS: Knock it off, okay? [Babs leaves the room.] RODERICK: Have you figured out the correct answer yet? BABS: Actually, I don't know which one is correct. RODERICK: Well, there is a way to figure out which one is correct... problem is, you haven't found it. Let's move on to the next one, shall we? [The correct way to determine which switch lights the light bulb is this: Hit any switch, say switch 2... then wait a while, and turn switch 2 off. Then turn switch 3 on, leaving switches 1 and 2 off. Enter the other room. If the light bulb is on, the correct switch is 3. If the light bulb is off, feel the light bulb with your hand. If it's warm, the correct switch is 2. If there is no heat from the bulb, the correct switch is 1 - the one you never turned on.] * * * [Shot of the sixth puzzle. It reads: "Divide a cake into eight pieces of the same shape and size. You can only make three straight cuts, though." There is also a cake on a table, and a cake knife.] BABS: Hamton would love this one! BUSTER: We have to divide it into eight pieces, huh? I'll make one cut down the middle... [Buster picks up the knife and cuts the cake in half from left to right.] BUSTER: And a second cut through for four pieces... [Buster picks up the knife and cuts the cake again from top to bottom, resulting in four equal pieces.] GOGO: Yeah, but eight pieces... FOWLMOUTH: Any more cuts could ruin the dadgum cake! SWEETIE: Wait, I see another solution! Buster, please give me the knife! BUSTER: I don't think a little girl like you should be playing with knives... SWEETIE: No, for the challenge! BUSTER: Okay... [Buster grudgingly gives the knife to Sweetie.] SWEETIE: Thanks! [Sweetie places the knife horizontally and places it through one of the sides of the cake (the middle, not the top or the bottom), slicing it horizontally through the other side, dividing all four pieces in half at once, so that there's a piece on top of a similarly- shaped piece. It must be a really big knife, then, if it can do that...] RODERICK: You've solved the puzzle! Congratulations! [The Toons cheer.] SWEETIE: Who knew you can win money by simply playing with cutlery? ***TOTAL POT: $152,500*** * * * [Shot of the seventh puzzle. There are three buckets... one filled to the brim marked with the number 5, another full bucket marked with the number 3, and a transparent empty bucket marked with a question mark. There is also a sink with a water faucet, and a sign above the sink which reads: "Using the three buckets and the faucet, get exactly one liter of water in the bucket marked with the question mark. Do not use estimation. Keep the following in mind: The bucket with the number 3 on it holds up to three liters, and the bucket with the number 5 on it holds up to five liters. The bucket with the question mark is the only one with lines on it, and it's transparent, so you can find out exactly how much it currently holds. You can pour the contents of one bucket into another, and you can pour any water you don't need into the sink. You cannot use any water from the sink to fill any of the buckets."] FOWLMOUTH: Another dadgum tough one... BUSTER: Two full buckets and one empty one... FOWLMOUTH: I've got it! Let's pour all the water into the dadgum sink and call it a day, huh? BABS: No, I think I've got a better idea. Let's pour the three liters of water into the empty bucket. BUSTER: Okay. [Buster picks up the bucket with the number of 3 on it, and empties its contents into the empty bucket with the question mark on it.] GOGO: Shall we pour two of those three liters into the sink? BABS: No! That's estimation, and besides, how would we know we poured exactly two liters? There has to be another way... SWEETIE: Wait! The bucket with the 3 is empty, so pour all the water from the 5 bucket into it! BUSTER: But the bucket with the 3 won't hold that much water! SWEETIE: So, pour enough into it until the 3 bucket is full, then pour the rest into the sink! BUSTER: You'd better be right! [Buster fills the 3 bucket with water from the 5 bucket until it is full, then he empties the remaining water from the 5 bucket into the sink.] BUSTER: Wait a minute... I've got a strange idea... [Buster pours the water from the 3 bucket into the question mark bucket.] BABS: Wow, six liters... SWEETIE: But that's still too many! We need only one liter! GOGO: And six minus one leaves... FOWLMOUTH: Five! [Fowlmouth pours water from the question mark bucket into the 5 bucket until it is full with 5 liters of water. The question mark bucket now holds exactly one liter of water. Fowlmouth shows the bucket to Roderick.] FOWLMOUTH: See for yerself. RODERICK: I never thought you'd get it right, but you did! 2,000 more for you! FOWLMOUTH: All right! ***TOTAL POT: $154,500*** * * * [Shot of the eighth puzzle. It reads: "Which word belongs in this group: COIN, LASH, MINE, SHOE?" It gives four choices: "1)CLAM 2)LANE 3)NAME 4)SOIL".] FOWLMOUTH: All four-letter words, huh? BUSTER: You're obviously one to talk about four-letter words! FOWLMOUTH: Well, I know each starts with a different dadgum letter, so how about 3)NAME? BABS: Yeah, so each of the five words begins with a different letter. Okay! SWEETIE: We're going to answer 3)NAME! RODERICK: The third answer, huh? That is incorrect! GOGO: I thought we had it! [The correct answer is really 1)CLAM. Then, in each of those five words, the ten different letters of the alphabet used to make all of them would be used exactly twice. Two A's, two C's, two E's, two H's, two I's, two L's, two M's, two N's, two O's, and two S's.] * * * [Shot of the ninth puzzle. It reads: "Divide 50 by 1/2 and add the cube root of the square root of 64. What is the answer?"] FOWLMOUTH: Obviously math's not my dadgum thing, so you do it, Buster and Babs! BUSTER[under his breath]: Thanks a lot... SWEETIE: Hmm... divide 50 by 1/2... that's 25. One down! GOGO: Yeah, and the other part... the square root of 64 is... 8, right? BABS: Yes, and the cube root of 8... that's 2. BUSTER: And 25 plus 2 is 27! RODERICK: Is 27 your answer then? SWEETIE: You guessed 'er, Chester! [Pause.] RODERICK: You guessed wrong! SWEETIE: Shoot! [The correct answer is 102. "Divide by 1/2" means "multiply by 2". So multiply 50 by 2 and you get 100. The square root of 64 is 8, and its cube root is 2. 100 plus 2 equals 102.] * * * [Shot of the final puzzle. It reads: "Can you rearrange these seven letters - DENOORW - to make one word?"] BABS: Hm... let's see WOODEN... no, that's six letters? WOORDEN? BUSTER: No, that's not even a word, but it sounds more like a Dutch furniture outlet! FOWLMOUTH: Let's see... WONDER? WOONDER? No... work, dadgum brain, work! GOGO: How about NEW DOOR? Nope, that's two words... SWEETIE: Let's see... REWOOND? I don't know if that's even a word... BABS: It sounds like it could be... FOWLMOUTH: Maybe it's some dadgum new form of REWIND I didn't know about... BUSTER: It could work. SWEETIE: So, is the answer REWOOND? RODERICK[smiling]: Sorry, not even close. [The correct answer is... the letters DENOORW *can* make one word... the phrase "one word", that is! A trick question.] * * * RODERICK: Well, you didn't solve all five of them, but you did solve ten of them, giving you a total of $10,000 added to the pot. But there is another chance... SWEETIE: So, to make it up, you're giving the other four of us a chance to solve the five puzzles we didn't solve? RODERICK: How brilliant! Give this girl a cookie, ladies and gentleman... a dog cookie, that is! SWEETIE: Well! RODERICK: In a moment, you will see the other four solve those exact puzzles, and we've prepared a front row seat just for the occasion! You five, come with me! [Roderick leads the five contestants down a series of hallways.] GOGO: I wonder where you are taking us... it sounds so exciting! RODERICK: Have any of you five heard of high-definition TV? [All five raise their hands.] RODERICK: Good, so I won't ask any more questions. I'm taking you to our school's audio-visual room, where you will watch the other four contestants attempt the challenge. FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, I so love the age we're livin' in! BABS: Yeah, and I know they will pull through for us! Hamton's on that team! BUSTER: We're going to get some more money! * * * [Shot of the AV room, set up to include six chairs... one for Roderick, and the other five for the Toonsters. There is a large monitor set up, but it's currently not turned on. Roderick leads the Toons into this room.] RODERICK: Yes, this is our beloved audio-visual room. Please take your seats. [The Toonsters each sit in one of the empty chairs.] RODERICK: Now, prepare to see your friends attempt a challenge in high-definition! [Roderick presses a button on a remote control. On the monitor is Rhubella leading the group of four - Shirley, Hamton, Mary, and Monty - into the room with the puzzles.] BUSTER: Wow, I used to think Monty looked ugly before, but now... he looks ugly in state-of-the-art technology! RHUBELLA[on the monitor]: As you may have noticed now, there are ten puzzles in this room. Some are easy, some are hard. And some are deceptive. Your task is to solve as many as you can in thirty minutes, because for each one you get correct, you'll get $2,000. [The four Toons are excited.] RHUBELLA[on the monitor]: Your teammates got five correct. How many can you get right? Your first puzzle is this way. SWEETIE: Wait a minute... you mentioned something about a trap... RODERICK: No, I didn't! GOGO: Oh, I believe you did... [Gogo is about to turn back into his VCR mode, when...] RODERICK: Okay, I admit it... there IS a trap! Your four teammates will NOT add $2,000 to the pot for each puzzle they get correct! [The five Toons inside the AV room are shocked.] FOWLMOUTH: Say what? RODERICK[smiling]: That's right... for each puzzle they get right... $2,000 will be SUBTRACTED from the pot! [The Toons are now shocked.] RODERICK: And in order to prevent them from erasing all your hard work... you have to prevent them from solving FIVE puzzles! * * * [Cut to the puzzle room, where Group 2 is. They are currently doing the first puzzle.] MONTY: Let's see, 16 plus 16 is 32, plus 16 is 48... MARY: Wait a minute! I think this is a trick! You can only subtract 16 from 128 once before it changes. RHUBELLA: You solved one! Way to go! ***$2,000 PENALTY*** ***TOTAL POT: $152,500*** * * * [Cut back to Roderick, and Group 1, in the AV room.] RODERICK: Correction... make that FOUR puzzles! Mwa ha ha! FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit... FOWLMOUTH(CC): Apparently, while Roddy was talkin' to us, Mary solves one of the dadgum puzzles, and takes some money from the pot. Did she know about the dadgum penalty or somethin'? BUSTER: Wait, I think I remember which room they were in! [Buster storms out of the room.] BABS: Buster, wait... [Too late. Buster is already racing down the hallway.] BABS(CC): Buster, without warning us, chooses to leave the AV room, and warn our friends. I hope he remembers which room is the correct one... * * * [Buster searches the hallways looking for the puzzle room that they were just in.] BUSTER: It's gotta be behind one of these doors! Maybe it's this one! [Buster opens a door in the hallway. Unfortunately, it leads to a girls' bathroom, where several female Perfecto students are taking showers.] BUSTER: ...Whoops. PERFECTO GIRL: Eek! A pervert! [Buster quickly closes the door and continues to search for the correct room...] * * * [Meanwhile, Group 2 is currently working on the second puzzle.] HAMTON: I think the correct answer is 2)L. MONTY: Any idiot knows that! This one is so easy! SHIRLEY: Yeah, the first ones ARE totally easy... MARY: And they're only going to get tougher from here... RHUBELLA: Who cares? You got another one right! Keep it up! ***$2,000 PENALTY*** ***TOTAL POT: $150,500*** * * * [Cut back to Buster, STILL searching for the puzzle room.] BUSTER: This has gotta be the right door... [Buster opens another door. It leads to an empty broom closet.] BUSTER: Boy, don't *I* feel stupid... * * * [Back to Group 2, currently on the third puzzle.] HAMTON: Wait a minute... this is another trick question. I just can't seem to find a number that would be twice as big as Lola's age, and I've tried the large ones! MARY: Yeah, we'll have to agree that the answer is impossible. SHIRLEY: Totally! RHUBELLA: You say that there is no correct answer? MONTY: That's what we said! [Pause.] RHUBELLA: You've just won another 2,000! [Group 2 cheers.] ***$2,000 PENALTY*** ***TOTAL POT: $148,500*** * * * [Cut back to Group 1, minus Buster, watching from the AV room.] FOWLMOUTH: No, dadgummit, you've just LOST another 2,000! BABS: Now that you mention it, where is Buster anyway? Shouldn't he have stopped them by now? * * * [Buster has found another door in the hallway. That is the correct door that leads to the puzzle room, but does he know that?] BUSTER: If this leads to another girls' bathroom, I'm out of here. [Buster opens the door.] * * * [Back to Group 2. They are poring over Puzzle Number Four. Unfortunately, they do not realize that Buster has just entered the room.] MARY: How about P? HAMTON: Let's see... OPEN... PEARL... no, that doesn't work with all the words. SHIRLEY: How about... BUSTER(OS): Shirley! Don't do it! SHIRLEY: Huh?! [Shirley, Hamton, Mary and Monty turn to find out Buster is in the room with them.] MONTY(CC): Just as we're solving these puzzles, in comes that stupid rabbit. I know he's the Mole, because now he's resorting to sabotaging challenges he's already completed! MONTY: Get outta here, rabbit! We're trying to solve some puzzles here! BUSTER: But wait... HAMTON: I don't think we've tried X! SHIRLEY: Like, that could work! MARY: CLIMAX, VORTEX... yeah, Hamton, I think you're right! BUSTER: No! RHUBELLA: You've just won another two grand! Six more to go! ***$2,000 PENALTY*** ***TOTAL POT: $146,500*** BUSTER: Please, listen, you guys. Don't solve any more! HAMTON: Buster, what are you talking about? MONTY: We have to solve these puzzles, or else we don't add money to the pot! BUSTER: That's the point! Rhubella is lying to you. Each puzzle you solved took money from the pot! My teammates all saw it! MARY: You know, that has got to be THE most suspicious action I've seen today. How do I know you're not the Mole? BUSTER: I'm serious! I don't know how many puzzles you've solved, but it's way too many! SHIRLEY: Like, should we trust him? MARY: I don't know... maybe after we've solved another puzzle or two, okay? HAMTON: Okay! MONTY: Yeah! [Shirley, Mary, Hamton and Monty approach the fifth puzzle, while Buster slaps his forehead in frustration.] RHUBELLA: Buster, you already finished your challenge. You shouldn't be here. Go back to the AV room with your teammates, or I'll fine you. BUSTER: Go ahead and fine me, I don't care. I know you won't actually be doing that. RHUBELLA: How can you be sure... BUSTER: Oh, I'm sure. [Buster stealthily slinks toward Group 2.] BUSTER[to himself]: Now I've gotta do this the hard way... * * * [Despite Buster's warnings, the group is working on the fifth puzzle anyway. It is the one where they have to figure out which of three switches turns on a light bulb in another room.] HAMTON: Wait, I'll turn on switch 1 first... [Hamton turns switch 1 on for a while. Soon after he does that, a hand with a white glove on it flicks it off.] HAMTON: I thought I just turned it on... oh well, I'll turn it on again. [As he does that, Buster turns it off again.] HAMTON: This is really annoying... who could be doing this? MONTY: Oh, I don't know, maybe a certain blue rabbit who's going to be rabbit stew in a couple of seconds? MARY: Shirley, please pin him down while Hamton turns on switch 2! SHIRLEY: Like, I'm not that good at pro wrestling, but what the heck! I'm in! [Shirley tries as desperately as he can to pin Buster down, while Hamton turns on switch 2.] HAMTON: Let's see if that turned the light bulb on... [Just as Hamton opens the door, Buster reaches his hand out to turn on all three switches at once!] HAMTON: I guess it did... I'd better tell everyone. [As Hamton leaves the room, he notices all three of the light switches are in the on position.] HAMTON: Great... now I *don't* know which light switch is the correct one... MONTY[to Shirley]: You're not doing a good job of pinning him down! SHIRLEY: Didn't I just tell you I was totally not good at wrestling? RHUBELLA: I guess you didn't solve this puzzle after all. Oh well, maybe the next one... [Rhubella leads the four members of Group 2 to the sixth puzzle. While that happens, Monty turns to face Buster.] MONTY: And you had better not ruin it! BUSTER: When have *I* been ruining this challenge? [The group now has to solve the sixth puzzle. The one with a cake, and a knife.] HAMTON: Mmm... that cake looks good enough to eat! BUSTER(OS): Now that you mention it... [Group 2 notices that Buster reaches his hand out to grab the cake. Buster opens his mouth and swallows the cake whole!] MONTY: Hey, that was for the challenge! You've ruined another one! [At this point, Buster picks up the cake knife and raises the blade toward the four Toons.] BUSTER: Stay back! I've got a weapon, and I'm not afraid to use it! SHIRLEY: Like, what tyrannical imperial leader have YOU been channeling, Buster? Your negative vibes are a distraction, and that kind of behavior is so not acceptable! RHUBELLA: It's okay. Hopefully this idiot won't sabotage the next four puzzles like he did those two... [Rhubella leads the four Toons to Puzzle 7. You know, with the sink and the three buckets.] BUSTER[to himself]: Looks like it's time to party, Buster-style! [Buster drops the knife, and races over to where the buckets are. He picks up both the 3 bucket and the 5 bucket... and splashes the water from each one... not only over all four members of Group 2, but also over Rhubella.] MARY: Buster, have you gone mad? BUSTER: I'm sorry to do this to you, but I have no other choice! I'm putting a stop to this challenge! HAMTON: You know, you have been acting rude lately... even ruder than Monty! MONTY: Yeah, even ruder than... what? Say it to my face, pig! SHIRLEY: Like, I hate to say this... but I think Buster may have actually shown us the error of our ways! MARY: Say again? SHIRLEY: We didn't give him the benefit of the doubt, and when we ignored his demands to stop, he did whatever he had to do to interfere. MONTY: Exactly what a Mole WOULD do! HAMTON: Still, whether he is the Mole or not... we may have been used by Perfecto just like we have been used by the Mole the entire game. MARY: Buster was right all along... MONTY[to Rhubella]: It's YOUR fault, you stupid rodent! [Rhubella, still soaked, is shocked.] RHUBELLA: Wait a minute... now YOU'RE taking HIS side after what he did to you? SHIRLEY: We're totally not doing the challenge anymore! MARY: Yeah, if it actually causes money to be subtracted from the pot, why even bother! BUSTER: Let's get out of here! RHUBELLA: No! Wait! [Unfortunately, Rhubella's words fell on deaf ears, as the five Toons leave the puzzle room.] RHUBELLA[under her breath]: I really thought they were going to lose more than that... * * * [Shot of Roderick and Rhubella outside the puzzle room, with all nine contestants.] RODERICK: You want to find out how you did on the challenge? GOGO: Actually we didn't... but go ahead. RODERICK: Okay, now as you know, Group 1 solved five of the ten puzzles, and added $10,000 to the pot! RHUBELLA: However, Group 2 solved four of the ten puzzles before they suddenly gave up! And do you know what happened when you solved those puzzles Group 2? Group 1 certainly did! MARY: Yeah, we only added $8,000 to the pot... [Buster, Babs, Fowlmouth, Sweetie, and Gogo shake their heads no.] MONTY: No? SHIRLEY: That wasn't correct? MARY: You mean... we added MORE than that? HAMTON: Wow! RHUBELLA: No, when you solved the four puzzles, $8,000 was TAKEN from the pot! You know, that $8,000 would be enough for an exclusive car service to and from Perfecto, wouldn't you agree, Roddy? RODERICK: Agreed... [Roderick and Rhubella laugh.] BUSTER: Hold it! I declare shenanigans! RODERICK, RHUBELLA: Wha? BUSTER: As soon as you, Roderick, led my group into the AV room... you, Rhubella, let Group 2 solve one of the puzzles before I even got out the door! Therefore, I demand you put $2,000 back into the pot! GOGO: Amen, brutha! Fight the power! RODERICK: But... [Roderick, trapped in a metaphorical corner, decides to consult Rhubella for advice.] RODERICK[whispering]: Should we really put $2,000 back in the pot? RHUBELLA[whispering]: Well, if it happened in the original version, why not? RODERICK[whispering]: We just want to gain their trust is all. RHUBELLA[whispering]: When you put it that way... SWEETIE: What are you two bozos talking about? RODERICK: Uh... we concede, and as you requested, we will put $2,000 back in the pot. RHUBELLA: Which means, that you won in this challenge, a total of... are you ready? A whopping 4,000 dollars! Give 'em a hand, everyone! [The gang does a light, insincere clap for such a low number. Although in my opinion, 4,000 is not that low a number when you compare it to 2... or even 1, for that matter...] ***TOTAL POT: 148,500*** RODERICK: Of course, it would have been much lower than that, but what happened, Buster? BUSTER: I decided to put an end to this. I picked up the buckets of water and threw them at everyone else. I splashed the four members of Group 2, Hamton, Shirley, Monty and Mary, to stop them from taking money out of the pot. And I splashed Rhubella simply because I felt like it. [Rhubella scowls.] RODERICK: Well, it's obviously that if not Buster, SOMEONE out of you nine has been suspicious throughout this game, and they have the nerve to call US sneaky! I guess your stay in Perfecto is over. If you go outside, you'll find the three vans parked waiting to take you back to your so-called "mansion"... come on, Ruby, we've got better things to do than associate with THESE street urchins... [Roderick and Rhubella are about to leave...] BABS: Wait a minute! You promised you'd release Bugs Bunny! RHUBELLA: What? No, we didn't! FOWLMOUTH: Yeah you did, and we have dadgum evidence! Gogo, show 'em! [Gogo is about to turn into VCR mode again...] RODERICK: Not this time! We don't want to see it! RHUBELLA: Didn't you get the memo the first time? You aren't allowed here anymore. So go on back, and don't even think of opening the door in back of the staircase in this room--- [Rhubella covers her mouth when she realizes what she just said.] BUSTER: Oh, did you tell us how not to rescue our mentor? Gee, thanks a lot for all your sage advice! [to his friends] Come on, we've got a teacher to save! [Buster leads the other Toons to the back of the foyer's staircase, where there is a door.] RHUBELLA: No, what I said was nonsense! I only said that because... I'm pregnant! Yes, that's true! Teenage girls CAN become pregnant! Haven't you seen the news? [The Toons ignore her insane rambling and descend the hidden passage in back of the staircase.] * * * [Fast-motion shot of the nine Toons freeing Bugs from captivity.] BUGS: T'anks for savin' me, guys! What did I miss! MONTY[muttering]: You didn't miss a lot, trust me... BUGS: You haven't been doin' good in challenges lately? MARY: Yeah, it was really tough without you around! BUGS: Maybe I should make it up to all of ya. Let's go back to my mansion and I'll give ya all a surprise! HAMTON[excited]: I hope there's food involved! * * * [Shot of Mary in a one-on-one interview with Bugs.] BUGS(VO): Truth be told, I ain't done much dis episode ot'er dan gettin' captured, so I interviewed all of da nine contestants. BUGS: Who would you say yer favorite contestant is so far out of da ot'er eight? MARY: I would have to say Hamton. He's been my biggest ally throughout most of this game. BUGS: And who would you say yer least favorite contestant is? MARY: After what happened? I'd say Buster! * * * [Shot of Shirley being interviewed.] SHIRLEY: Like, I really like Gogo so much! We had a meditation session together, and totally enjoyed it! BUGS: And yer least favorite? SHIRLEY: Well, duh! Fowlmouth! * * * [Shot of Fowlmouth being interviewed.] FOWLMOUTH: Gogo is my dadgum favorite, and not just because I had a dadgum coalition with him! BUGS: Yeah, and yer least favorite? FOWLMOUTH: Monty! What more is there to dadgum say? * * * [Shot of Monty being interviewed.] MONTY: I don't like any of 'em! BUGS: Monty, please pick a favorite! MONTY: Yeah, yeah... I'll say... Sweetie. There, I said a name! Are you happy? BUGS: Now, pick yer least favorite! MONTY: All right, it's that stupid rabbit Buster! Jeez! * * * [Shot of Hamton being interviewed.] HAMTON: My favorite? Hmm... Mary, because I think everyone underestimates her. BUGS: And who is your least favorite? HAMTON: He will definitely rip on me for saying this, but... Fowlmouth. * * * [Shot of Sweetie being interviewed.] SWEETIE: Well, Shirley's my favorite! We birds have gotta stick together! BUGS: Right, and your least favorite is? SWEETIE: Hamton --- he's boring! * * * [Shot of Buster being interviewed.] BUSTER: It's too obvious! Babs has been my ally from Day 1, and before this game! BUGS: Not too surprisin'. And your least favorite contestant? BUSTER: Again, too obvious! Monty! * * * [Shot of Babs being interviewed.] BABS: Did you really have to ask that question? Buster's my favorite contestant out of the others! BUGS: Figures. And your least favorite? BABS: It would have to be Monty. * * * [Shot of Gogo being interviewed.] GOGO: I'd say Fowlmouth is my favorite! Where would I be without him? BUGS: Hmm... and least favorite? GOGO: Monty, of course! He always wants to make me extinct! Then again, he always wants to make the rest of my friends extinct! BUGS: I'm glad I asked... * * * [Shot of all nine contestants waiting in the living room.] MARY: Now, what do you suppose the point of all this was? BABS: I don't know, but I wouldn't be surprised if an exemption was involved. FOWLMOUTH: I was wonderin' why there hadn't been any dadgum exemption offers these past six challenges... BUSTER: They'd probably give the exemption to someone they liked the most! SHIRLEY: Yeah, you or Babs would probably get it! HAMTON: That's right! GOGO: And it's not like Monty is going to get one anyway... MONTY: Sure, rip on the rich boy! See if I care. [Bugs enters the living room.] BUGS: Montana Max, can you come wit' me? SWEETIE: Ooh, someone's gonna get it now! MONTY[bitter]: Yeah, I'm comin'! * * * [Bugs leads Monty to a secluded area of the mansion.] BUGS: Now, Monty, did you know why I called you here and no one else? Everyone was asked who dey t'ought was deir favorite player and deir least favorite player... and a majority t'ought dat you were deir least favorite player. MONTY: I knew it... this whole thing is a conspiracy against me! They're all gonna pay! BUGS: Ah, someone obviously wants revenge! So, I'm gonna do you a favor, and I will offer ya an exemption... which will guarantee ya make it to da next episode. [Monty's eyes light up when he hears these words.] MONTY: You mean, I can stay, and one of those eight will have to give up one of their own? BUGS: Odd as it seems, it's true. But, you could change deir opinions of you, if you give up yer exemption instead, and add $5,000 to da pot. MONTY: Nah, the pot's too low. Make it ten. BUGS: Okay, $10,000, but dat's as high as I'll go. MONTY: I'm thinking about it... and I'm thinking... you'd better make it higher than that, because I don't wanna give my exemption up! [Bugs scowls.] BUGS: Fine, den... $15,000 if you give up yer exemption. Dis is my final offer. MONTY: You sure you won't go any higher than that? BUGS: Nope. $15,000. Take it or leave it. MONTY: Well, if that's as high as you go, I'm leaving it! I know everyone wants me executed, and I want to stick around and watch them suffer! [Pause.] BUGS: One last chance to change your mind? MONTY: Not gonna happen, rabbit! [Long pause.] BUGS: So be it. We'd better go outside and tell everyone, den. * * * [Bugs and Monty re-enter the living room.] BUGS: Okay, you may be wonderin' why I chose Monty to go with Bugs instead of any of you. Well, a majority of ya said Monty was deir least favorite contestant, and he had a choice of whet'er ta add money to da pot to win yer favor, or an exemption. Monty? MONTY: Ah chose me the exemption, baby! BUGS: Dis means Monty is immune from exemption, and does not have to participate in da quiz. One of you ot'er eight will be eliminated, so you'd better remember what happened in da challenges in Perfecto... because I coitainly don't... someone fill me in! * * * [Shot of the eight contestants other than Monty taking the quiz. If you want to take the quiz yourself, I created a copy for you. That way, you don't get left out!] [Shot of Babs taking the quiz.] BABS(VO): I'd hate to think either of my friends Mary or Hamton could be the Mole. They fell right into the trap in the puzzle game, and actually cost us some money. Then again, one of them might have known about the trap to begin with... [Shot of Buster taking the quiz.] BUSTER(VO): Just because he's exempt from execution does not necessarily mean he's exempt from suspicion. Monty only got as far as the fifth hole in the golf challenge, though I don't think any of my friends were responsible for that. And that exemption offer... a boy billionaire turning down money? Hmmm... [Shot of Fowlmouth taking the quiz.] FOWLMOUTH(VO): There were several dadgum instances were money was taken from the dadgum pot. Babs breaking the ice sculpture was one of the costliest, taking 20 grand away like that! I never thought anything could be colder than the ice sculpture... I was dadgum wrong! [Shot of Gogo taking the quiz.] GOGO(VO): Our exhibit had the Buster Brown shoes in it, which we thought Buster would get. But he doesn't even look at them, and chooses another exhibit instead! Sheesh, talk about suffering for your art! [Shot of Hamton taking the quiz.] HAMTON(VO): I'm not 100% sure on this one, but I think Shirley is the Mole. Our exhibit was supposed to fool the art critic only, not our friends! They didn't even choose the correct one because of her. As much as I hate to say it, Shirley thought only of herself in that challenge and no one else. [Shot of Mary taking the quiz.] MARY(VO): So many choices for the Mole today in my eyes... so today I'll have to choose Sweetie. Suspicious in the football challenge at the beginning, since she didn't reveal her trump card until the last possible minute, and in the fortress challenge, because she slept when we were supposed to be keeping the intruders away. [Shot of Shirley taking the quiz.] SHIRLEY(VO): I've dealt with bad karma from Fowlmouth before, and from Monty... but from Buster? What was he thinking, trying to stop us from solving the puzzles? Maybe it's just me, but I think we actually DID win money for solving the puzzles, and Perfecto was trying to cover up his sabotage by claiming that we would lose money for solving them. As we valley girls say... what-EVER! [Shot of Sweetie taking the quiz.] SWEETIE(VO): Hamton, Hamton, Hamton... where to begin? You get a question wrong during the golf challenge, you answer several puzzles correctly and cost us some money, and in the football challenge... oh, you never got to play that one? Good, because I tried as hard as I could not to let you play it, because I knew you were going to sabotage that one! Ha! * * * [Shot of the nine contestants in the courtyard at night, sitting on folding chairs. Bugs shows up once again to lead off this sadistic ritual.] BUGS: This is da halfway point of da game. After tonight, eight contestants remain, but for one of ya, dis is where it ends. As you know, Monty has an exemption, so he's stayin'. One of da ot'er eight is goin', and dat contestant will get da red screen. So, let's kick t'ings off by startin' wit' Hamton. [Bugs types "HAMTON" into the computer. Hamton, of course, is nervous.] * * * [It flashes green.] HAMTON: You're kidding... BUGS: No, I ain't! Sweetie, are you da unlucky victim? We'll see! [Bugs types "SWEETIE" into the computer. Sweetie is a bit cocky.] SWEETIE: I'm gonna get another green screen. Watch! * * * [It flashes green.] SWEETIE: Can I call 'em or what? BUGS: Mary, it's your toin. [Bugs types "MARY" into the computer. Mary is not afraid whatsoever.] MARY: Oh, I'll be here... * * * [It flashes green.] MARY: Told ya! BUGS: Now, it's Fowlmouth's toin. [Bugs types "FOWLMOUTH" into the computer. Fowlmouth is anxious.] * * * [It flashes green.] FOWLMOUTH: Dadgummit, how did that happen... BUGS: Four more Toons are left... Buster, Babs, Gogo, and Shoiley. Is Buster da sixth victim? [Bugs types "BUSTER" into the computer. Buster is fidgeting.] BUSTER: I knew it would come down to this... * * * [It flashes green.] BUSTER: I survived another one... BUGS: We're down to t'ree. Shirley, has your time come at last? [Bugs types "SHIRLEY" into the computer. Shirley is unfazed.] SHIRLEY[to herself]: Positive thoughts, Shirley, you might so have a chance... * * * [It flashes green.] SHIRLEY: Like, far out! BUGS: Only two Toons remain. Eit'er Gogo Dodo or Babs Bunny will be executed tonight. Let's see how Gogo does. [Bugs types "GOGO" into the computer. Gogo is a bit anxious.] GOGO: Come on... * * * [It flashes... red.] GOGO[in Walken voice]: No way! No freakin' way! BUGS: Sorry, Gogo, you are da Mole's sixth victim. You must leave da game now. [Gogo, who had been happy for most of the game, becomes sad and actually sheds a tear.] GOGO: I can see the Mole doesn't want me around... we dodos have been abused and mistreated in ages past... and when one finally has a chance to appear on a reality TV show... this is the thanks it gets... [Some of the other Toons (well, not Monty) surround Gogo and decide to give him a sympathy hug.] FOWLMOUTH: Aw, buck up, buddy! We still care about ya! SHIRLEY: Yeah, we're praying for you, so, like, cheer up! [A faint smile starts to form on Gogo's face.] GOGO: Thanks, guys, I knew you'd care about me! [Gogo gives the other Toons a big group hug --- of course, by extending his arms to smother all of the other eight contestants!] BUGS: Aw, dat was really touchin', but we hafta go. GOGO[melodramatic]: Parting is such sweet sorrow! [Bugs leads Gogo to the van parked outside, waiting to pick him up.] * * * [Back at the mansion, the other eight contestants talk about Gogo.] FOWLMOUTH: It wasn't his time... it wasn't his dadgum time! SWEETIE: Yeah, but only because Monty had to have an exemption! BUSTER: It just won't be the same without him... he was the jester of our little group! BABS: He would always make us happy... even in a miserable game like this. SWEETIE: And he was always in a good mood! BUSTER: Yeah, the only time I've ever seen him roll his eyes was when he'd use them as dice when we're playing Monopoly! [The other Toons laugh.] * * * [Cut back to Gogo entering the van.] BUGS: Any final woids, Gogo? GOGO: If I for some reason were to ever participate in this game again, I wouldn't change a thing! Oh, except my suspicion on who the Mole was. BUGS: Okay. GOGO: And I definitely won't be able to change a leopard's spots! [Gogo pulls out a leopard from leopard space.] GOGO[holding his nose]: Someone else should change them instead! Peee-yuuu! BUGS: Right... on DAT note, I t'ink we'd better go... [Bugs shuts the door of the van. The van drives off into the horizon, taking Gogo with it. So much for the dodo rising from the ashes... no wait, that's the phoenix! Aw, who cares.] * * * ***END EPISODE 6*** You didn't expect me to end an episode without the quiz, did ya? ***EPISODE 6 QUIZ*** 1. In Field of Nightmares, what was the number on the Mole's jersey? 1)6 2)7 3)8 4)9 5)10 6)11 7)12 8)13 9)14 2. In Cool Running, what leg was the Mole in? 1)The first leg 2)The second leg 3)The third leg 4)The Mole was not in this challenge 3. Did the Mole participate in Art Official Intelligence? 1)Yes 2)No 4. Did the Mole participate in Paint by Numbskulls? 1)Yes 2)No 5. What was the Mole's role in Putter Fingers? 1)The golf instructor 2)The golfer 3)One of the seven answering questions 6. What category did the question the Mole was asked belong to? 1)Animaniacs 2)Music 3)The Internet 4)Video games 5)Geometry 6)Sex 7)A question about that contestant 8)The Mole was one of the other two 7. In Mind Sweeper, which group was the Mole in? 1)Group 1 2)Group 2 8. Who did the Mole say was his/her favorite contestant? 1)Babs 2)Buster 3)Fowlmouth 4)Gogo 5)Hamton 6)Mary 7)Shirley 8)Sweetie 9. Who did the Mole say was his/her least favorite contestant? 1)Buster 2)Fowlmouth 3)Hamton 4)Monty 10. Who is the Mole? 1)Babs 2)Buster 3)Fowlmouth 4)Gogo 5)Hamton 6)Mary 7)Monty 8)Shirley 9)Sweetie ***PREVIEW OF EPISODE 7*** BUGS(VO): Next time, on Tiny Toon Mole... MONTY: Shirley stared at the orange juice carton so long because it said "Concentrate"! Ha ha ha ha ha! BABS(CC): I'm really starting to miss Gogo's humor... BUGS(VO): Monty flaunts da power he received from last night's exemption... MONTY: You're gonna put up with ME for three more days, rabbits! BUSTER(CC): We already KNOW you got the exemption, Monty! So just SHUT UP. You don't need to keep telling US every ten seconds... BUGS(VO): Add two guest hosts into da mix, and dere's gonna be trouble! SWEETIE: I guess I'm beginning to see why neither of you won... BUGS(VO): And at da seventh execution, dere's a twist! SWEETIE: What is it? BUGS: Why, it's a dance by Chubby Checker! SHIRLEY: No, like, what's the twist? BUGS: Should I tell ya about it...? [The eight contestants nod their head yes.] [Shot of a red screen with a thumbprint on it.]